You asked, he answered. Be warned, he’s beautifully brutal :) xoxo 

Secret Author asks:

Hi Secret Stud! Need some guy-to-guy advice! I wear a good smile, a head full of hair, good clothes, and intoxicating cologne. Besides that, I’m good-looking and married. So why can’t I get women to go out with me?:)

Dear Secret Author,

While it’s difficult judge a philanderer’s looks over the internet (though I have my theories), one part of your question in particular caught my eye. I’m pretty sure the video below will help shed some light on your problem:

Good luck and don’t lose hope my friend – remember, 60% of the time, it works every time.

-SS

Radha asks: 

Hello Secret Stud. I really like this guy. He’s the hottest thing to happen to our college. He’s a good friend, and turns to me for advice. I want him to like me! I dress simply, and that’s the avatar he has always seen me in. Do you think if I started dressing up all sexy and stuff (like the girls he chases), he would give me attention?

Dear Radha,

Sounds like you’re stuck in the dreaded “Friend Zone.” While dressing sexier may get you his attention (and a one-way ticket out of the “No Bone Zone”), I doubt this is the way you want to start a relationship with someone you truly care about. There’s only so long you can pretend to be someone you’re not, and soon you won’t just lose his attention – you’ll lose his friendship too (and since you brought it up, I’m pretty sure that happens in Avatar too). Be patient – if he doesn’t come around, I’m sure someone more deserving of you will.

Stay strong,

-SS

Chest Hair Where asks: 

Dear Secret Stud, I have a genuine hair problem. I have been blessed with a thick armpit growth but my chest has only a few hairs begging for attention. Is there any way to transplant hair from the armpits to the chest? Please respond.

Dear Chest Hair Where,

I don’t really have an answer for this, as I’m not a qualified surgeon, but I’m pretty sure the specialist who transplanted your testicles to your brain can help.

Happy grafting,

-SS

PS: For your sake and ours, please invest in some deep-penetrating industrial strength deodorant. Cheers!

Harry asks: 

How are you Secret Stud! I’m a guy, so I hope you don’t mind me asking you a question. I am in a relationship with two women (please don’t judge me). I like them both equally – I’m only 23, so marriage is still light years away! They don’t know about each other and I have good time management, so that’s not the problem. The problem is this – I have lots of back hair. One girl loves it, the other hates it and wants me to get rid of the carpet! How do I deal with this?

Dear Harry,

Please meet my friend Chest Hair Where.

CHW: You’re welcome.

Bringing buyers and sellers together since 2012,

-SS

PS: I would never judge a man who can score two chicks while rocking a man pelt. Bravo.

GoingBroke asks: 

Dear Mr Stud! I’m hoping you’re a chivalrous guy and get my problem, the guy I’m dating always expects me to pay half on dates. It’s partly my fault because I made a big deal about “going dutch” in the beginning and maybe he thinks its a feminist thing or something… BUT now it’s getting embarrassing because he does it when we’re out with friends too! How do I get him to treat me like a lady sometimes? Help Me!

Dear GoingBroke,

I see where you’re coming from  – it’s always nice when a guy treats you special and picks up the tab on a date. However, there is another way to look at this situation. Sometimes, when a guy doesn’t feel compelled to pay, it shows that he’s confident about the depth of his relationship with his partner, and doesn’t feel the need to buy their affections. As a guy, it’s a good feeling to have that level of comfort with your partner.

That being said, it’s no fun always going Dutch on everything. My suggestion: lead by example. Next time you go out, pick up the full bill. That way, he’ll feel compelled to return the favor sometime. If he argues, you can casually say, “I’ve got you this time, why don’t you treat me the next?” If this doesn’t work, just have a frank conversation with him about it. Don’t sound needy or entitled – just say it would be more fun and meaningful to do it the old fashioned way once in a while. If he cares about you, he’ll get it. If he doesn’t, dump the cheap bastard.

Don’t forget the tip,

-SS

Superman asks: 

Is there any way you can smuggle me into the Playboy Mansion?

Dear Superman,

Why get smuggled in when you can be put on the guest list?

Hooked up,

-SS

Balma asks: 

I am gay. Though I dress modern and party hard, my family is very conservative. There is this family friend, girl, who likes me. She has made it known to her parents. Now our parents are keen to set us up for marriage. I can’t tell anyone I’m gay! And I cannot tell the girl I am not interested, because I have no excuse – everyone in my family has had arranged marriages. What advice would you give me?

Dear Balma,

This is a very difficult situation, and you have my sympathies. What you need to consider is that going through with this marriage is not only unfair to you, it’s also very unfair to the girl. This marriage can only end in heartbreak for both of you, which in turn is going to hurt both of your families. I can understand why you don’t want to come out to your family just yet. But in this day and age, you can and should make a strong case for your desire not to have an arranged marriage. Ultimately, your parents just want you to be happy.

If it helps, I also suggest showing your parents this video:

Problem solved,

-SS

Farhee asks:

Hello Mr.S.Stud!!
Hopefully you have solutions for the followings:

1) Which color of T-shirt be suited on White Patiala Shalwar??
2) Is it safe to impress your love buddy by sending a toy car on his B’day with the Logo “Don’t drive too fast”
3) Any descent comment to attract your Handsome Boss (single) going bald day by day!!!!
Last but not the least …
4) How “GODs of style” can be depressed rather to impress? You know ,Its one way out too, to leave an impression…. after all we all love ***the Two “Rahul”***

Dear Farhee,

White is a versatile color and will go well with most colored tops. What you need to be more concerned about are your bottoms, or rather, what you’re covering them with. Dark colored underwear will show through and make you look like a joke.

Then again, the rest of your question has already achieved that, so who cares. While it is always impressive to send a “love-buddy” a toy car, regardless of what witty logo you place on it, it’s a little weird that he’s also your balding boss (let’s be honest, that should have been one question).

As for Question #4, you clearly know all about “leaving an impression,” so I trust you’ve already resolved this momentous and thoroughly incomprehensible dilemma all by yourself. Good job!

Lost in Translation,

-SS

Soham Asrani asks: 

You think you’re a tough guy, eh? You think you have all answers, huh? Riddle me this, o Secret Stud – how do I get Miss Malini to go out with me?

Dear Soham Asrani,

You do it the way I’m sure you pick up all your women: leave creepy questions about dating them on a public forum. She’ll be eating out of your hands in no time – if you can take them out of your pants long enough, that is.

Tough guy, tough love,

-SS

Have a question for our Stud? Leave it in the comments section below and each week he’ll answer the most interesting ones! 

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Posted on: Saturday, October 6th, 2012 at 9:22 pm Filed under: Hilarious, Lifestyle, missmalini Exclusives. Follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.