In the past week, MissMalini and Ranjit Rodricks have been  to a couple of events which – let’s just say – were tepid, badly  planned, boring and could actually be considered non-events! This “waste  of our precious time” gave MissMalini the bright idea to pen down a  few “Ways To Throw An Awful Party!” So here we go…

Ranjit Rodricks and MissMalini
Ranjit Rodricks and MissMalini



If you’re opening a lounge-bar that could comfortably accommodate a hundred people, to make the place look “full” you must invite everybody on your phone list, Facebook friend list, Twitter list, people from your neighborhood – and their ENTIRE family. The booze is sponsored anyway and if you play it smart, the booze company will pay for the bites too. Now for good measure, invite the entire press contingent from your city and a few fading TV stars, Bollywood has-beens and models who are hanging on to their last stilettos. Cram all four-hundred of these people into a space meant for a hundred people. Then your guests can honestly say they “rubbed shoulders” – and much else – with the stars.

try getting "high" at this bar
try getting “high” at this bar



The best part about throwing a party is getting the booze sponsored. But why waste it on matlabi friends when you can take it home and stock your own personal bar? So, when you’re throwing a party, make sure there is ONLY ONE functional bar with ONLY TWO waiters serving all your four-hundred guests. On an average, each guest will get not more than two drinks, leaving you with many bottles to take home once the night is through.

crane your neck for a tipple
crane your neck for a tipple



One party we went for the other night – to celebrate a fashion magazine’s 5th anniversary – actually had a bar that was so high up, we thought the bar-tenders would get a nose-bleed! The “invitees” had to literally stand on their toes to order their drinks. This definitely gave a new twist to term “keeping your spirits high!”



If it’s a Bollywood party you’re throwing, make sure you invite stars who are more prominent than the host. At a recent event to celebrate ten years of a film’s success, the star of the film invited a senior super-star to join in the festivities. No prizes for guessing that the super-star walked off with all the media coverage while the star and his director were given the step-motherly treatment.



And if you want some “fire-works” at your party, invite stars who have a dodgy history with each other and you’ll be guaranteed gaalis, phatkas and phatakas. It keeps the gossip mills churning for years to come, keeping you in the news without having to buy media-net.