I’M BACK!!! With another batch of five flaming hot ‘ballers ;-) At the Euros, and beyond, too.
Word of warning: the post is organised to ensure maximum drooling, which means, less copy and more pics. Ready?
Super Mario… Hmmm… Hmmmm… Hmmmm… Okay, okay, I’m focussing now ‒ promise. Just look at his body… Need I say more? It’s so purposefully defined, it could have been carved out of stone by a ‘baller-objectifying (which is, erm, my breed) sculptor from ancient times.
His gorgeous dark locks. His tall and lean frame. The fact that clothes love him. His breezy deportment… Life’s one big strut for him. Germany’s no. 23 is one fine specimen.
What kinda shite list would this be without our boy Cris? No, I may not EVER approve of his sartorial choices, may not always wink to his extreme grooming habits, BUT, I’ll, say this, at all times: I would happily, and quite shamelessly join that queue. It’s Cristiano bloody Ronaldo. Take a number, pop a mint, and do some stretching exercises while you wait.
He’s like the slickster guy you meet when you go on holiday ‒ he may have spent longer getting dolled up than you did, he may be cocky and carry a man bag, but your basest instinct is that buying what he is selling will be a good thing. Even as he trips a waitress over at the bar and then winks at his boys, you just can’t help yourself.
But, why so? Cris’s on-pitch talent is very well-recognized. So are his abs. And I could ID that lickable hip dip from outer space. He occasionally has hair issues. And he also can be cute on camera. And he can dance. He also holds the accolade of looking the best anyone on this planet can possibly look when wet.
So about Signore Marchisio… He’s scorching hot. Same goes for his piercing, ‘come hither to my boudoir’ blue eyes, and chiselled profile that can cut ice.
Also helps that he can dress himself to GQMF standards, off-duty, too.
Least of all, Italy’s no. 8 also happens to be a beast of a midfielder.
Speaking of man candy, it does not come more sugar-coated than Spain’s no. 10. Just look at that pretty, nummy face.
His transformation from boy into full-formed grownup has been a delight to watch. Although he’s grown up (sniff), I sincerely hope the sexy and adorkable Cesc will never be too mature for “doughnut discotheques”, Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives.
Really, how on earth can there be a list of the top hottest footballers without Spain’s no. 9?
Fer and is coiff is always hot. Butter blond, platinum blond, mahogany brunette, mohawk, crew cut… Name it, he has had all sorts of hairdos imaginable, all the while looking sinfully smouldering.
And his freckles. Oh, the freckles! I love every single one of them.
And pout and bitch-face this man can. Rivalled only by Dah-veeed Villa (and his daughter, Zahara), perhaps.
Not to forget, his willingness to Continuously. Get. The Abs. Out does a lot for his appeal.
Honourable mentions: The Spanish Armada of Iker Casillas (# 1), Sergio Ramos (# 15), Álvaro Arbeloa (# 17), Javi Martínez (# 4), Jesús Navas (# 22), Juan Mata (# 13), Raúl Albiol (# 2), Fernando Llorente (# 19) and Pedro Rodríguez (# 18). My long-term love, Italy’s goalkeeper/captain, Gianluigi Buffon (# 1). Germany’s Thomas Müller (#13) and Mesut Özil (# 8). And England’s goalkeeper Joe Hart (# 1) ‒ just ‘cos I had to pick someone from England.
P.S. The list is not by rank, err, except for, maybe, Xabi Alonso’s place at the top of the man pile… :-D