In light of the Tom Cruise – Katie Holmes divorce saga, the fickleness of modern day marriages come to mind. Closer to home, even the forever Indian couple, Shahrukh Khan and Gauri Khan are battling rumours of a rift. Marriages seem to be failing everywhere while we desperately look for an example of that Happily Ever After. Where marriage is concerned our generation definitely has more choice than the generations before us, but with choice comes confusion.If you are planning to get married, here are a few wrong reasons why people get married when they probably just shouldn’t.
1. Because I’m of age.
The most popular and common reason for getting married is ‘because I’m of age/ Because it’s time…’. Getting by in years makes you unattractive in the marriage market and hence you must just do it when you can or be doomed to stay single forever. However, rather than compromising your whole life’s happiness with a hasty decision it’s probably better to be single and independent at 30 than be divorced and heartbroken instead.
2. To get out of one situation and get into another.
Marriage is used as an escape route by many. People get married to get out of their parents’ homes, move to another city/country, to get out of a joint family set-up or the worst ‘just for a change’. While there maybe reasons to move on from a situation, one should be careful not to jump from the frying pan into the fire! Marriage, even to the right person will not make everything ‘right’.
3. Because it seemed like the next Step in the relationship.
Boy meets girl, they date, court, fall in love, go to third base… then what? Relationships, like people, grow and change over time. Just because he/she is the first person you dated, maybe even the first one you slept with does not mean you should marry them. Just because there is no other logical step ahead for the relationship and even if your family and friends know you are dating, does not mean you should marry them.
4. For financial reasons.
Your to-be-spouse is better off than you are and hence would help set-up that dream house, business, career change etc? While money is very important in life, beyond a point of time the fancy will wear off and if you don’t love the person you are with, no amount of money will help fill that gap.
5. To make your parents happy.
The most common reason why kids in India get married is because their parents persist on getting them married off to someone of the same caste who comes from a “decent” background and you can “settle down with” and since you can’t argue or have an option you give in.
6. Out of sympathy.
This is probably one of the most misunderstood reasons, cleverly disguised as concern, to get hitched. Just marrying someone because “what would they do without you”, “he has wasted so many years just waiting for me”, ‘qho will marry her now” etc. No matter how noble your intentions are an incorrect foundation will lead to an unhappy life.
Komal is the author of ‘Nick of Time – Right one, Wrong Time’, which is a book about being young, being confused and being in love. When she doesn’t write, she works in a film marketing agency in Mumbai.