Secret Stud Replies to Your Questions: Studs, Duds & Nerd Love

Secret Stud , 25 Oct 2012

He’s our very own Secret Stud, and each week he solves your toughest problems. Go ahead, ask him anything. This week, he grapples with…

Secret Stud
Secret Stud

Vakas Says: 

i want to meet salman khan in once in my life

Dear Vakas,

This is neither a question, nor a legitimate problem. But I can understand your desires.

I once met Salman. It was the studliest moment of my life. Well, not counting that time I single-handedly wrestled Sanjay Dutt and a Black Bear with my bare hands in a fiery cage suspended over the Himalayas from a helicopter that was low on fuel. And missing a propeller.

In fact, there may be only one other stunt in this world that surpasses that extreme feat of studliness:

For other manly activities, refer to the interview below:

Let your dreams soar,

-SS

Bubble wrap parenting
Bubble wrap parenting

B.M Says: 

Hi. I am 22 year girl & I am in a relationship with a boy since 8 years. We want to maarry each other. But our parents are against us. We both cant live without each other. Now please suggest me, what to do?????????????? Please…………

Dear B.M,

The first thing I would do if I were in your place is remind myself what century I live in. Oh right, that would be the 21st.

Obviously you care about your parents’ opinion, and that’s great. But not only is this your marriage, the world we live in is also very different than the one in which going against your parents’ wishes meant you were ostracized for life, and possibly outcast from society (unless your boyfriend is an axe-murdering psycho, in which case, you should always listen to your parents). You have the option of being more self-reliant and independent, and you should consider exercising it.

I should also point out that you’re only 22, and if my impeccable math skills serve me right, that means you’ve been with your guy since you were 14. What’s the rush? If you plan on getting married anyway, you can wait a little longer until you have more say in your life. A little extra time to make sure this is the right decision couldn’t hurt either (life changes a lot in your 20s). And if it turns out to be so, your parents may trust your judgment more when you’re a bit older.

At the end of the day, follow your heart. It beats only for you.

Deep,

-SS

Desi Aunties & Uncles
Desi Aunties & Uncles

Rits Says: 

Dear Stud,
How to keep annoying desi uncles and aunty miles away from you without bringing a bad name to your parents? Please I really need an answer.Life is becoming miserable. :(
Thank you,
Sincerely
Udaas aatma

Dear Rits,

This is indeed a miserable scenario. For me, that is.

Most of what I would suggest, while effective, would probably make your parents look pretty terrible (foam at the mouth, speak in tongues, relieve yourself in public… you get the idea).  Landmines are a pretty good deterrent as well, but then you have to worry about all those pesky “treaties” and the “UN”.

Your only real option here is to grow a pair and do what most mature adults do: tell your parents that you don’t care much for your uncles and aunties, and that you’d prefer to not have them invading your space. If you have good reason, I’m sure they’ll understand.

If they don’t, I know a good landmine guy.

Boom!

-SS

Dislike
Dislike

SA Says: 

Hey SS,
I’m glad MM got you here! I hope you’ll solve my problem.
My boyfriend is over-possessive about me. In the beginning I was kinda secure. Its been 3years to our relationship and his possession has intensified. He restricts me to go anywhere, like one day I was going to attend my cousin maasi’s son’s marriage and he refused me to go. I did not listen to that so he started abusing me. Like this he doesn’t let me attend get together or b’day parties as well. I’m so feeling like I’m in a prison! Moreover, he deactivated my facebook account. How uncool is that? He has this insecure kind of behaviour. If I commit a small mistake, he then starts abusing me like even if I cut his call. It is being very difficult for me to decide whether to leave him or not. I don’t want to but then how will I get rid of all this? Plz help!

Dear SA,

It’s good to be here, but I’m sorry to hear about your problem. I’d like to make many jokes here, but it sounds like you’re in a real tough spot.

I hate to say this, since it’s probably not what you want to hear, but your boyfriend is a douche, and you need to leave him. No matter what you do, or how you behave, no one should be allowed to control your behavior this way. Cutting off your Facebook is bad (and just plain weird), but you have to draw a clear line at abuse. Is this really how you want to spend your life? What gives him the right to dictate what you can or can’t do? Why should you accept it?

Take it from me – guys like this never change. They just get worse. There is no situation on earth – NONE – that justifies living under these conditions. Get out now.

Be strong,

-SS

Suit Up!
Suit Up!

StuckInLove Says: 

Hello SS,

So there’s this guy whom I used to love a lot before, but he did me wrong loads of times and now I don’t even love him at all, only like him as a friend. And there’s another guy and we both really liked each other previously, but thanks to me, that had to be ended too. Now the first guy,he’s started liking me and wants to consider a relationship so we are at the first stages. But he is still being a jerk like before, and flirting with other girls and when I tell him he’s being not being loyal he denies all allegations,but I have proof. Whilst the guy I did wrong to, I’m still in love with him. He was perfect for me and whenever I try to talk to him again now, he just ignores me or says things like he doesn’t know who I am and it’s best if we stay like strangers. While I see where he’s coming from because he must be angry at me, I want him back. And this leads me to, the two boy dilemma. The other guy has started making his moves, even though I know he’s not being faithful I keep thinking he will change. But I’ve been through this phase with him many times and he never really changed, so I’m not sure if he’ll stop being jerky. And I’m not too sure whether the one I love will come back to me. So I’m confused as to what I should do. Help!

Dear StuckInLove,

I know the feeling.

I once fell in love with this Tom Ford suit. But the suit didn’t fit me. So Tom refused to let me buy it. Instead, he started shopping it around to other men.

Cut two (pun intended), one day Hugo Boss came over to my place and was like ,“Hey man, I made this suit for you, you should totally try it.” I put it on, and it fit me like a glove! But somehow, I didn’t like the color. It was too dark. Hugo got so angry with me, he stopped returning my calls.

That’s when Tom knocked on my door and was like, “Hey man, if you go on a starvation diet, throw up every hour AND give me a rim job, we might be able to make this work.” So now I’m torn. I really want that Hugo Boss suit back, but that’s probably going to take some apologies and some flowers. OR, I could just go bulimic, lose all my dignity, and toss Tom Ford’s salad so I can wear his ill-fitting suit.

Give me a break,

-SS

I <3 Nerds
I <3 Nerds

Lily Says: 

I have been with my boyfriend for five and a half years. We have never been too into gift giving just small ones here and there but now he’s turning 25 and I cannot think of a good gift to get him. He has all the toys a guy could want, he doesn’t like watches and he’s an engineer so he’s got the tech stuff down well. What should I get him?

Dear Lily,

First of all, if you’re going to write in please have the decency to use your real name, like everyone else.

Regarding your problem: Toys, watches and tech. Yes, I’d say you have men pretty well figured out. There’s no way he could want anything else for his birthday.

In any case, if you haven’t been that into gift giving before, why stress about it now? Clearly your guy isn’t fussed about material things. Rather, try and gift him something thoughtful, that only you could have given him. Something that shows you know him better than anyone else, something that shows you care about him. If you make it yourself, even better. Or better yet, make him build it. There’s nothing nerdy engineers like more than building stuff.

You see, it’s not about the gift – it really is the thought behind it that matters. Unless, of course, it’s your parents saying it, in which case they’re just being cheapskates. Don’t let them get away with it.

Remember: “God gifts babies, we gift wrap them.” (Bonus points for anyone who can tell me where this nonsense line comes from).

HBD,

-SS

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