I was flipping channels and realised the Seinfeld: Finale Episode is on! It’s so fun 🙂 And then I Googled the 10 funniest Jerry Seinfeld quotes for you!
1. I was the best man at the wedding. If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
2. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
3. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”
4. Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”
5. The big advantage of a book is it’s very easy to rewind. Close it and you’re right back at the beginning.
6. I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, “Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.”
7. You can measure distance by time. “How far away is it?” “Oh about 20 minutes.” But it doesn’t work the other way. “When do you get off work?” “Around 3 miles.”
8. I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”
9. The whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I’ve got my life.
And my fave…
10. Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.