You Won’t Believe What Lonely Teens In China Are Doing!

You Won’t Believe What Lonely Teens In China Are Doing!

Malini Agarwal

Let me ask you a question; if you were a lonely teenager, would you adopt a pet cabbage and drag it out for a walk? Knowing (hopefully) that this might be the very cause of your loneliness to begin with? Well apparently this is a “thing” now. Yup, the world’s first VeggiePet Is Here! (Thank you Kelvin Cheung aka Ellipsis Chef for this Sunday afternoon treat!)

But seriously. I too pined for my own Cabbage Patch Kid (adoption papers and all) growing up, but this is a bit much! Especially when you read the fine print…

I was initially going to have to blame the Japanese for coming up with the Tamagotchi handheld digital pet in 1996. Teaching us all to assign unnecessary emotion to anything we can drag or carry far enough to become pathetically co-dependant on. But the I realised who was really to blame.


(I’m looking at you Tom Hanks.)

PS. Question is, does this now make cabbage consumption akin to eating somebody’s pet poodle? Great, now #WhatWillTheVegansEat #PetaForVeggiePet #WilsonYouStartedIt.

PPS. Yup, I came up with the ingenious (and highly marketable) name “VeggiePet” all on my ownsome. Better trademark that sh*t STAT. Dammit, there’s already, but turns out it’s for pets who are VEGETARIAN by their owners chose! Mwahahaha, excuse me now while I rile up someone on Twitter to create a inter-pet cannabalism meme. xoxo