We’ve been watching the Filmistaan videos on loop in this office. Given that they’re practically a tribute to our favourite movies, we’ve been recounting our favourite cinematic moments. And I started wondering about Bollywood parents. They are only second in importance in a Bollywood film after the leads. I mean, you can’t do much without their permission, can you? And if you do, you’ll get to hear a whole lot from them. So, I’ve put together a list of some of the craziest film moments that involve Bollywood parents and the shit they say. Take a look.
(Go Simran, go live your life)
The ultimate permission! When Amrish Puri said this to Kajol at the end of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, he literally set stage for future Indian parents to give their kids freedom to live their own lives. I mean, haven’t you at least once heard your parents say this line to you?
(Noooo, oh God, what is this I’m listening to?)
Parents, especially if they are Indian, have a definite flair for the dramatic. Make that melodrama! They have to exaggerate all their sorrows and behave like the world is coming to an end even if you want to come home at 12am instead of 11pm. Right?
(Yes, I’ve found a suitable girl for you)
From the moment you finish school, your mum has only one life concern for you. Your marriage! She will start talking to aunties, show you pictures of prospective girls and force you to meet at least one ‘suitable life partner’. Yes, we all remember this awkward conversation, which is worse when you already have a love interest.
(At my age, in one glance, I can tell what is going on between a boy and girl)
This one is a classic. The use of age-old experience! Sometimes our parents behave like they’re 75 and our grandparents like they’re a 100 yrs. old. As if their life experiences have given them so much wisdom, they are now rocket scientists and can figure anything out. But on a serious note, doesn’t it annoy you when your parents always know who you have feelings for or are dating? Parental instinct?
(How much do you earn in a month?)
The quintessential father’s worry. How much does the boy you’re dating even earn? Inevitably, it won’t be good enough for him and he’ll make a comparison to how you spend his monthly earnings on your shoe purchases in a jiffy. Why can’t dads just provide their girls with pocket money even after marriage? Sigh.
(Are you and Sameer on drugs?)
So you’ve somehow made it on merit to the college of your choice. And you’ve been exposed to the big bad world, your parents will definitely ask you if you’re on “drugs“. I mean, I just love the finality with which they use the term and behave as if it’s so easily available. No ma, just because I’m sitting locked up in my room doesn’t mean I’m doing drugs. I’m just having a bad day and craving a tub of chocolate ice-cream. :)
(Here Prem, your favourite sweet dish)
So, all mums use this secret weapon, it’s called ‘maa ke haath ka khana‘. If you’re ever having a squabble with your mum, she’ll shut you up with the best home-cooked food prepared to your favourite recipe. As the “halwa” melts in your mouth, you forget what upset you in the first place. Speaking of which, has your mum called you yet? To ask you what you’ll eat for dinner?
(Now you’re only this household’s Goddess Lakshmi)
So, yes, we believe in all our Gods and Goddesses. And Goddess Lakshmi is our favourite because she keeps all our wealth safe and secure. The minute a daughter-in-law steps into her new home, she has been inevitably dubbed the “ghar ki lakshmi”. And that’s major responsibility.
(I got these gold bangles made for my daughter-in-law)
By now you would know that for your mom, her son’s marriage and his wife’s jewellery are very important things in life. From the moment she realises you’re of marriageable age, she starts making jewellery for her future daughter-in-law. Especially, the much coveted ‘sone ke kangan‘. I thought the take on this in Dostana was absolutely hilarious, especially when Kirron Kher doesn’t even know whether John Abraham is her “damaad ya bahu“.
Yes, we are only qualified to marry if we can cook. And most importantly, feed our husbands perfectly ’round chapatis’. We can travel around the world but we can’t wrap our parents’ heads around the fact that a girl can do amazingly well outside the kitchen.
However crazy, over-the-top or typical they may be, we love Bollywood parents. Catch a whole lot of this and other tributes to cinema in Filmistaan, releasing June 6th. xoxo