MissMalini's #RealTalk
MissMalini’s #RealTalk

Life is full of difficult questions, and the answers aren’t always easy to come by. Whether it’s our love lives, our professional goals, or our general musings on the workings of “The Universe,” sometimes we wish we had an expert to turn to. What if we could get *real* answers from *real* people, instead of the overly romanticized lessons we learn from Hollywood, Bollywood and Television? What if the people that wrote advice columns had specific expertise and real-life experience on the topic at hand? (Don’t worry, we still love you, Secret Stud).

Truth meme
Truth meme

Enter #RealTalk! In this brand new series, we’ll help answer all of your burning questions by tapping into our vast network of friends, professionals, celebrities and of course, readers. Every week, we’ll be throwing out a question to a panel of real people, and bringing you their real answers, uncensored, unedited – and in the interest of their privacy – utterly anonymous. We can’t promise we’ll fix all of your problems, but we can promise you it’ll be a whole lotta fun!

So what’s first? This morning I decided to text 10 girlfriends and enlist their help on Real Talk topic #1. Why? Because in the run up to our first Battle of the Sexes G+ hangout on June 13th, I think it’s time to help out some of my guy pals who unfortunately always end up in the “friend zone” or “what-a-douche-bag” category. So I polled 10 diverse girls and got 39 answers; just goes to show – ask and you shall receive!

Boyfriend material meme
Boyfriend material meme

And before you ask, the next blog in this series will be Reasons You’re Not Getting The Guy (According to Him!) so man-up ladies, you’re next!

FYI – the women I surveyed for this post range from models to moms and all my BFFs in between, so TRUST me you’re getting the full range of feedback! xoxo

BOYS, Here are 38 Reasons You’re Not Getting The Girl (According to Her!)

1. You spend more time on your hair than she does (and more money on hair products too).
2. You’re afraid of big fat creepy crawlies like spiders and cockroaches. Man up boy 🙂
3. You talk about your mother too much.

*This was the #1 turn off for most of the girls I surveyed FYI!

Maa meme
Maa meme

 4. You repeatedly talk about “women’s work” when it comes to marriage, raising kids, and even sex.
5. You think and/or publicly admit any of the following are “cute”:
– dresses in an ultra girly store window.
– ABBA the musical.
– any movie with Hugh Grant in it.
6. You stare at other women.
7. You snort when you laugh.
8. You start crying when you drink too much.

Devdas meme
Devdas meme

9. You wink at people (no one dates the winker).
10. You do the lasso move on the dance floor.
11. You don’t wear deodorant.
12. You spit when you speak.
13. You bump into her at a party and then pretend like you barely know her.
14. You have no male friends, only female.
15. You’re jealous and don’t like her talking to her male friends because you suspect she’s having a thing with every guy she meets.

Jealous meme
Jealous meme

16. You cancel plans with her last minute because there’s a game on TV that you knew about earlier, thought you would miss, then switched on the TV just before leaving the house and decided its not worth missing!
17. You ask her for suggestions on where she would like to eat and when she tells you her preference, you ignore it and pick the cheapest restaurant.
18. When you’re out with her male friends, you say things like “your girlfriends are damn hot man!”
19. You’re soooo nice ALL the time that you’re making her feel evil for not feeling the same way.

Just friends meme
Just friends meme

20. When asked how you’re doing or “how was your day?” you give a full sob-story rundown of everything that could have possibly gone wrong without asking “how was YOUR day?” back.
21. You talk about your ex and how much you miss her.
22. You go through her phone.
23. You flirt with her friends.

Flirt meme
Flirt meme

24. You think being mean and saying sh*t rudely is perfectly acceptable under the guise of being “an honest guy.” Be honest but kind.
25. You have too much FOMO.
26. You call too often.
27. You don’t share your food. (sorry Joey!)


28. You speak nicely to her but rudely to waiters & staff.
29. You aren’t sympathetic when she’s upset because you can’t understand what the fuss is about. Just give her a hug and let it go!
30. You’re asking her out for the first time and indicating that the date might end at your place. Creepy much?!
31. You’re extreme messaging. If she doesn’t reply for 2 minutes you send follow up pings saying “where you disappeared?”

Jealous meme
Jealous meme

32. You invite her for drinks and then make her pay or much-too-readily accept her suggestion of going Dutch on a date!
33. You don’t bother to check that she got home safely. (Dropping her to her doorstep wins you 800 points instantly!)
34. You’re constantly talking about yourself, sounding more like you’re recruiting a fan club than looking for a girlfriend!
35. You’re name dropping constantly.
36. You lack ambition.
37. You agree with everything she decides and always say, “honey you are always right” so you can avoid taking charge of things.
38. You’re taking pictures every minute and uploading them to Facebook.

Do you think we missed any? Leave me a comment below!

Disclaimer: the views expressed by our #RealTalk contributors do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Team MissMalini.