Umm, well, this is awkward. You’re probably assuming since I’m writing this list, it’s all been tried and tested. Well let me stop you there – not ALL of these have been done! Some of them are just things we randomly think about when we’re scouting for topics to write about. Basically what I’m trying to say is, when we face that annoying bout of writer’s block, this is the end result. So before it hits again (and I really hope for your sake that it doesn’t) here are a bunch of things you shouldn’t attempt to do while you’re in the buff.
1. Appear on a TV Show
Why is this even on the list? I’m so glad you asked! Did you know there’s a reality dating show, quite like The Bachelor, but with one tiny little difference? All the contestants are butt naked. Since we tend to take ideas from the west, I wouldn’t be surprised if they made this show here – so if anyone asks you to join, I’d suggest you say “Hell no!”
2. Light Candles
Remember Ugly Naked Guy from Friends? Do I need to say more? Also, heat, hot wax, naked? Complete no-no.
3. Fry Anything
Oh this hurts just thinking about it! If you really want some bacon or fries, just order it like a normal person! A normal naked person.
4. Bend Over
Especially not when you’re with someone.
5. Clean the Windows
Unless those windows are tinted. Another thing you shouldn’t do is have sex with the windows open. You never know when there’s a pesky kid testing out his new pair of binoculars on the neighbours.
6. Go Snorkelling
As I was writing this, I was informed that fish tend to go for your privates when they’re exposed. I don’t think this is something anyone wants to experience.
Because that’s just too distracting. Things would just fly all over the place – there’s a reason they invented sports bras.
8. Iron clothes
Uh guys, If your ironing boards are at the same level as your you-know-what, I suggest you didn’t do this.
9. Play twister
This is very different from strip poker. Very, very different.
10. Use Heat Products
This is like ironing, but for women. The last thing you need is your curler brushing against somethings or a hair iron clamping on things other than your hair. I died a little just while writing this, so having it actually happen could be torture!
P.S. Looking for pictures for this post is possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done (So glad it’s over!)