Top 29 Jokes From The AIB Knockout Featuring Ranveer Singh And Arjun Kapoor!

Shreemi Verma , 29 Jan 2015
Karan Johar and Ranveer Singh
Karan Johar and Ranveer Singh

Where do I start? With the fact that this roast‘ with two of the biggest stars in this country was the best thing to happen on the Internet; OR that the jokes cracked by and on Karan Johar made me laugh so hard, my mum thought I was having an attack of some sorts!

If you haven’t seen it already, please stop everything you’re doing and spend the next one hour of your life laughing your ass off. If you have, here are the top 29 jokes cracked during the night, because this was indeed besharmi ki height. #SorryNotSorry.

1) Karan Johar: I’m not saying Ranveer does shit films, but truly, the last good thing he was in, was Deepika Padukone.

Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh
Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh

2) Karan Johar: Arjun Kapoor once upon a time, you used to be fat and ugly, well done on the weight loss! You dropped those kilos faster than Deepika dropped her dating standards.

Deepika Padukone
Deepika Padukone

3) Karan Johar: In 2 States Arjun plays a punjabi boy who falls for a hot south Indian girl. So basically he plays Boney Kapoor.

Arjun Kapoor and Alia Bhatt in 2 States
Arjun Kapoor and Alia Bhatt in 2 States

4) Karan Johar: Ashish Shakya is so black, his mother screened him for ebola when he was born.

Ashish Shakya
Source: Twitter @stupidusmaximus

5) Ashish Shakya: Now before I start, I want to thank everyone on the panel for coming out today and Karan for not.

Karan  Johar
Source: Tumblr.com

6) Ashish Shakya: Parineeti Chopra is not here tonight because we told her she’d be fu%*ed by 10 dudes in front of 4,000 people. Karan Johar is here tonight because we told him he’d be fu%*ed by 10 dudes in front of 4,000 people.

karan johar
Source: Tumblr.com

7) Ashish Shakya: Abish Mathew is so unattractive, he was an altar boy for 7 years and not one priest molested him.

Abish Mathew
Source: Ttwitter @abishmathew

8) Ashish Shakya: Rohan Joshi, the only reason you’re famous is because you dated Alia Bhatt’s sister. You’re like the Robert Vadra of comedy, except you have no money.

Rohan Joshi
Source: Twitter @mojorojo

9) Ashish Shakya: Ranveer, you did an ad for Durex – it was the first time I saw a condom being endorsed by an STD

Ranveer Singh
Ranveer Singh

10) Ashish Shakya: I’m not saying Ranveer is hyper, I’m just saying Preity Zinta tried to snort him backstage.

Ranveer Singh
Ranveer Singh

11) Karan Johar: (On Raghu Ram),  you look like Vishal Dadlani got chemo.

Raghu Ram
Courtesy: Pinterest.com

12) Raghu Ram: The last time I saw so many ch**ts in one place, I was auditioning them.

Roadies
Roadies

13) Raghu Ram: (On Rohan Joshi) he’s so townie, he thought Malad is something lawyers say in court!

Shashi Kapoor
Source: Blogspot.in

14) Raghu Ram: Ranveer, I’m not saying Arjun is getting sick of you but soon he’s going to leave you for Virat Kohli.

Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma
Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma

15) Raghu Ram: In Lootera, Ranveer digs a long, underground tunnel somewhere in  Bengal. This only goes to prove that no matter how remote, dangerous or smelly; if there is a hole, Ranveer Singh will enter it.

Ranveer Singh (Source | Tumblr.com)
Ranveer Singh (Source | Tumblr.com)

16) Khamba: (On Roadies being held in the United States) Congratulations Raghu on getting the biggest bunch of assholes to enter the United States after 9/11.

Roadies
Roadies

17) Khamba: Seriously Masand, stop calling yourself a journalist, every time you call yourself a journalist, ISIS beheads one. Alia in the front row has no idea what ISIS is. Alia just to clarify, some of the products in your kitchen have the ISI mark and that is different. ISIS is a terrorist organization.

Rajeev Masand
Source: Twitter @RajeevMasand

18) Khamba: You know Karan Johar is now best friends with Anurag Kashyap so that he can get him some ‘indie cred’. It’s the first time in Bollywood, someone has slept their way to the bottom.

Anurag Kashyap
Anurag Kashyap

19)  Khamba: Honestly, we wanted Ranbir Kapoor for the show, but we could only manage Ranveer, which is also what Deepika did, so I guess that’s fine.

Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone
Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone

20) Rohan Joshi: In Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham an enormously fat child magically grows up to become Hrithik Roshan. You bast#$d, you ruined Tanmay’s life! He just sat there, waiting to be transformed.

Tanmay Bhat and Ladoo
Tanmay Bhat and Ladoo

21) Rohan Joshi: Ashish Shakya is so black, he should be sitting in a Swiss Bank account.

Ashish Shakya
Source: Instagram @ashish_shakya

22) Rohan Joshi: Ranveer is such a pervert, that photograph of Deepika Padukone in the Times Of India was taken by him.

Times Of India
Source: Twitter @deepikapadukone

23) Abish Mathew: Arjun, it’s good you’ve lost weight and are now dating  Sonakshi Sinha. But we know they’re all rumours because you’re not allowed to touch carbs.

Arjun Kapoor and Sonakshi Sinha
Arjun Kapoor and Sonakshi Sinha

24) Abish Mathew: Ranveer how does it feel to be the only sad person in the country every time Virat Kohli scores a century?

Virat Kohli
Virat Kohli

25) Aditi Mittal: Abish, if a girl has sex with you, she becomes a virgin again. You are literally a hymen repairman.

Abish Mathew
Abish Mathew

26) Aditi Mittal: Deepika, as a woman I want to say thank you, you’re taking one for the team. Thank you for keeping him off the streets.

Ranveer Singh
Ranveer Singh

27) Tanmay Bhat: Arjun your smile is so creepy, when you smile, even Shakti Kapoor checks his top button.

Shakti Kapoor
Source: Facebook.com

28) Tanmay Bhat: Ranveer you’re such a sleaze you didn’t get turned on till Deepika used pepper spray on you.

Deepika Padukone
Deepika Padukone

29) When Ranveer came in front of Karan on all fours and Karan said: ‘that’s my position Ranveer’ *slow clap*

Karan Johar and Ranveer Singh
Karan Johar and Ranveer Singh

Trust me, I had to edit out A LOT of things, otherwise this post would have been close to 3000 words long!

I loved this roast and I really hope AIB makes this an annual thing.

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