Some days it just feels like you’re in a funk you can’t shake. Those are the kind of blues that can come routinely once a week, on a Sunday night, when the reality of returning to work looms over you, or when things in your life seem like they are falling apart. We all feel this way sometimes in periods of difficulty, transition or apathy. So how do we know when just having the blues crosses into depression?
Depression is not feeling a passing sadness when things go wrong, it’s feeling hopeless and empty consistently even when things are going right like Deepika Padukone explained in her bold and candid sharing of her own depression. Depression is the persistently wet blanket that smolders positive feelings like excitement, joy and love, leaving you feeling cold, disconnected and painfully alone.
Amidst the pain of depression, what is often feared most is the stigma from others that ignites shame. As a result, most people feel helpless to reach out for support when they most need it. As friends and family members, when we start to notice that someone we love hasn’t seemed like themselves for a few weeks, here are a few things we can do to check in:
- Don’t let them suffer in silence, reach out as soon as possible to let them know that you’ve noticed that they seem different, and ask them how they are feeling so they can share their experience with you. Try to leave out preconceived notions and judgements, and just listen.
- Let them know that that they are not alone, this could happen to any of us.
- Ask if they would like someone to help them figure out what is happening to them and what they can do to manage it.
- Make sure to stay connected and supportive even if the person is unreceptive to your attempt or tries to push you away. No matter the outcome of the conversation let them know that you are there for them no matter what, sometimes it can be as hard to accept help as it is to reach out for it.
Whether it’s you or a loved one struggling, how can you tell if it might be time to consult a professional before these feelings get worse? If you’ve been feeling any of the following consistently for a few weeks without being able to shake it despite trying to, then it might be time to get some extra support and information: Increasing sadness and low mood, hopelessness, a feeling of emptiness, difficulty motivating to do ordinary life tasks, tearfulness, irritability, feeling increasingly listless and filled with negative thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself, and really just feeling like you’re just not yourself.
If you or a friend have felt this way for a few weeks and already tried what usually helps you shake off the blues, make a consultation appointment with a trained Clinical Psychologist. As a support person, try to be mindful of when your loved one needs more than just your support and help them reach out for additional help.
A Clinical Psychologist can help you make sense of what is happening and advise you on options for next steps depending on if medication, therapy or simply family engagement is most helpful. This does not necessarily mean that you need to start therapy or medication, it is simply a way to get clarity and information so you can decide how to proceed. Do not be afraid to seek multiple opinions so you can feel as comfortable and informed as you need to make healthy and proactive decisions for yourself.
As Kevin Breel said so eloquently in his TED talk on having depression, “The world I believe in is one where we’re measured by our ability to overcome adversities, not avoid them.”
#ThriveOnPurpose.
Dr Sahar Bhaloo is a doctor of clinical psychology. You can read more on her blog here.