30-year-old comedy writer, James Breakwell is a father of 4 little girls aged five, three, one and five months. He tweets the hilarious situations and conversations which are sometimes “a mix… some are real, some are exaggerated, and some are made up… most are at least inspired by (his) kids.”
Me: What happened to Ken?
5-year-old daughter: Zombies. pic.twitter.com/frJHM6MZPc
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2015
His tweets have become so popular over the years that he now has over 363K followers on Twitter. He told the Daily Mail Online:
Subject-wise, I’ll tweet about anything that makes my family look good and me look bad. As long I come out on the losing end, everyone seems happy.
I already have to watch when I swear in a tweet because my five-year-old is getting old enough to read.
My tweets are a mix. Some are real, some are exaggerated, and some are made up. Most are at least inspired by my kids.
Check out some hilarious tweets of his!
My 1-year-old grabbed my push-up bars and took a nap on the floor.
She works out just like me. pic.twitter.com/MXPIBX7pKt
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 24, 2015
No DNA test needed.
I’m sure she’s mine. pic.twitter.com/C1FntjdRUE
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
There were some who said I couldn’t be cool AND be a dad.
They were right. pic.twitter.com/BrjvtXQBcD
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 23, 2015
I knew her rock star lifestyle would catch up with her eventually. pic.twitter.com/D8ZFhieS2l
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 23, 2015
Me: Put the chairs back. It’s time for dinner.
3-year-old: Get away from my runway. It’s time for fashion. pic.twitter.com/jC00P5vQzY
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2016
Me: We’ve taken 1,000 pics. We’re never going to get all 4 kids smiling at once.
Wife: Fine. Just pick the best one pic.twitter.com/E7jDR5uGIm
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2016
Me: WHO BROKE THE END TABLE?!
5-year-old:
Me:
5-year-old: I’m pretty sure it was always like that. pic.twitter.com/ZTHr4YXFMI
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 16, 2016
Yes, I pulled off the pudding heist.
I would have gotten away with it, too, if I didn’t get stuck in the damn chair pic.twitter.com/OhGCMA3dSM
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 6, 2016
5-year-old: I drew a llamaman.
Me: What’s that?
5: *rolls her eyes* A man who’s a llama, Dad.
I have so much to learn about everything.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2016
Toddler: *spills an entire bowl of popcorn and then eats it off the floor*
5-year-old: Stop it!
Me: Let her go. I don’t want to vacuum.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016
3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.
Me: Do you like him back?
3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
Me: Time for breakfast.
5-year-old: Wow, Dad, you didn’t burn it as much as usual.
Her current passive aggressiveness level is wife.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
5-year-old: Can we go to Disneyland?
Me: It costs too much money.
5:
Me:
5: Can you make more money?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2016
Me: Time waits for no man.
5-year-old daughter: Or woman.
Me: Unless your Mom makes us go shopping with her. Then it stands still.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 29, 2016
5-year-old: I wish I was a princess.
Me: You’re my princess, and this is our realm.
5: *looks around our house* This kingdom sucks.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2016
5-year-old: How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
Me: 6
5:*walks away confused for the rest of the day*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 28, 2016
Me: Share with your sister.
5-year-old: Sharing isn’t cool.
Me: Sharing is very cool. I share.
5: Exactly.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 26, 2016
5-year-old: You don’t have many friends to play with.
Me: I guess not.
5: I told my teacher you always play with yourself.
Thanks, kid.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2016