In a recent article Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher admitted that after years of being co-stars their romance began a few years ago as ‘friends with benefits’. A few years later, they are now married with children!
Strangely enough, both celebrities did movies named Friends With Benefits and No Strings Attached, where both plots covered how having a friend with specific “benefits”, can actually transition into a long lasting relationship. Which only makes you wonder, can that is actually work?
Having a FWB can have both pros and cons. Lets take a look at what both sides have to offer:
No responsibility: Ah, don’t we all love when we don’t owe anyone anything! Having high passion without any sort of commitment, where you don’t have to answer to anyone or care about what time they get home; sounds like a dream come true, right? You can just enjoy all the good parts of a relationship without any of the work. It is literally ‘having your cake and eating it too’.
Time spent wisely: You can allocate how much time you wish to give to this bond and how often. You can spend the rest of your time focusing on work, friends and family. Since this is not a full-blown relationship, you can yet have a good time together, whenever it suits you both.
Not Tied Down: Depending on the structure of your FWB arrangement, you can probably still see other people. So that if you find someone you want to commit to, you can ‘close up shop’ here and attempt that. Isn’t that amazing? It’s like signing a deal with the universe, to live in the moment, till something better comes along.
Emotional attachment: Just like the movies, No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits, someone always gets attached. Everything you do on a regular basis always becomes a habit. Being intimate with someone and allowing him or her into your personal space may make one of you want more. The thing about arrangements is that they never go as planned. Things change, emotions change and sometimes what started of as a good idea, may fall apart, quickly.
Ruining a friendship: So what happens when one of you starts wanting more and the other doesn’t? The friendship gets ruined! How can you be friends with someone that rejects your love for them? The friend you could do or say anything with, will get yanked out of your daily life and although this wasn’t a relationship, it will surely still seem like a break up.
One partner may move on – What happens when your FWB turns around and says, they met someone they actually want to be with? Whether you are male or female, do you honestly think this not going to hurt? It’s like saying ‘hey, this has been fun, but I have to go now because I have found someone worth committing to’. No matter how much you think you have this situation under control, this is really going to be hard to fathom.
There is no right or wrong here. If this is an arrangement that works for you then by all means, go for it. Just remember to know the rules of your arrangement and if you can do it with no expectations, then you can be open to whatever it does or does not, become. As I always say, think of yourself first. Love yourself first and put your needs above everything else.
You never know whom you end up with and what journey you both may have to take together, to get there. All I know is, that if there is something more to what this bond has to offer, then you should vocalize it. Real emotions are hard to come by and you should always face them even at the risk of loosing someone.
Remember, at the end of both those movies, Natalie Portman, showed up to tell him how she really felt. Justin Timberlake, organized a flash mob to tell his best friend he was in love with her.
If it is worth fighting for, you’ll just know. Otherwise enjoy it for what it is and learn when to let go. However, if you do decide there is something extraordinary here, take a deep breath and face it fearlessly. Always remember, that every promising story line, is not complete…
without the grand gesture in the end.