The Answer To Why Some Of Us Are Still Single

Avec Shaz , 12 Sep 2016

So you are in your late twenties or early thirties, right? You look around and wonder, why am I the only person still single? My friends are married, having babies, starting a whole new chapter and I can’t seem to find a decent relationship that works. What am I doing wrong? However, are you really doing something wrong? Maybe you need to change your mindset. Maybe you are actually doing something right! Take a look at some of the reasons why some of us are still single.

Situationships: When was the last time that you were in an actual relationship? Our generation has become so ‘grey’ in our dating lives that any sort of connection with the opposite sex that has any amount of intimacy and time invested is now considered a relationship. WRONG! These are situationships. In all honesty, neither of you ever called it a relationship because it wasn’t one. I am not saying you do not get attached and that these bonds do not hold value. All I am saying is, as a generation we tend to invest so much time into ‘grey’ areas with people that we do not notice, had we kept things ‘black and white’, we would have had time to attract a real relationship.

The Wedding Planner
The Wedding Planner

Fear: Some of us are still single because we are actually petrified of letting someone in. These kinds of people won’t admit it, but it’s the truth. Maybe, due to baggage or heartbreak from instances in their past, the idea of getting close to someone only enhances their fear of losing them. The irony here? Ending up alone, is an even bigger fear for them. Maybe, you should look at all your experiences as tools that have shown you strength. And, if you have already passed so many tests with flying colours, as you have always managed to come out of them, then you have nothing to loose by trying again. Especially, if you think a particular person, might be worth it.

That Awkward Moment
That Awkward Moment

Ideals: Perhaps some of us are still single because we haven’t let go of some of our ideals. Some of us have been lucky enough to have experienced relationships where a true bond with utmost respect were prime factors. Although they didn’t work out, it taught us what real connections should be like. Maybe, now that we know how rare it is to find, we compare every new connection to that. Although, you should not settle for anything that lacks depth – perhaps we need to let go of our past to be able to actually experience the present.

The Wedding Planner
The Wedding Planner

Too busy falling in love with themselves– Some people find that they genuinely like their own company. They value their time so much that adding another person into their daily routine will only happen if they see potential in its worth. There is nothing wrong with this reason. I strongly believe that unless you have mastered a way to truly love yourself no matter what the situation, you can’t expect someone else to fall in love with you. If you are in a space in your life where you are single, then this should be one of your main focuses. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw “if you can find someone to love the you that YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

Sex And The City
Sex And The City

Overqualified: Folks, I hate to break it to you, but some people are just that awesome. They are good, loving, caring, non-manipulative, loyal, simple people and this, unfortunately, makes them overqualified for a generation that presumes it has so many options when dealing with their dating life. If you are one of these people and are still single, it is because people like you are extremely hard to find. Some single people have qualities that are so pure and unique, their journey in settling down takes them longer, because they know they deserve nothing less.

Two Broke Girls
Two Broke Girls

There are various reasons as to why some of us are still single. Some are not ready, some may have not met the right person and some of us are still just trying to figure it all out. But, there is a beauty about this time in our lives that people who have it all figured out don’t get to experience anymore. We still get to make mistakes. We get to experience new things, fall down, get back up and most importantly, learn lessons that teach us what strength is really about.

So if you are still single and don’t have all the answers, so what? All I know is that the real answer as to why you are still single will only be at your disposal when your grand kids ask you about what it is like to truly find love. And, unlike most people who only pay attention to the stories in their lives that look like a ‘picture perfect’ completed puzzle, you will be able to tell them, that putting the pieces together was what it was REALLY about.

You can read more of my articles on my personal relationship centred blog, Avec Shaz. Do not forget to subscribe to the blog and follow me on Instagram and Facebook as well!

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