Dating can truly be difficult. Not only are we trying to find ‘a shoe that fits’ but we also need to ensure that it fits well. I keep stressing on the fact that most people enter relationships for the sole purpose of being in one. However, being with the right person is what it’s really about. Check out 5 red flags when getting to know someone, which should automatically tell you to NOT commit to this bond, long-term.
We all have our insecurities. However, do they wear it on their sleeve? Initially, this may seem endearing. But as you get to know them more as a person, this quickly turns into obsessiveness and finding ways to bounce their insecurities off you. This is when ‘who are you texting?’, ‘we should exchange passwords’ and my personal favorite, ‘let me see your phone’ starts. I understand we all have our own baggage but even when getting to know someone new, make sure they are in a place where they are ready to trust you. Because if it starts with a crack, it’s only going to get deeper.
We are all adults. We have all had failed relationships and we all may have that one ex that we think we should have fought for. However, if you are getting to know someone who is not ready to live in the now, then you are already investing in the wrong stock. Make sure that no matter what either of you might have been through, they are in a position to open up their heart again. Do not invest in someone that is partaking in their present but living in their past.
How well do the both of you communicate? This one is hard. It’s hard because you only figure this one out in time. During the courting period (1-3) months, everyone is usually on their best behaviour. We show each other the sides that we want to be seen, we say the right things, and we ‘sugar coat’ anything that may sound negative. This is completely understandable. It takes time to open up to someone. However, the key here is honesty. Are they being honest with you? Are they trying to get comfortable enough with you, so that the communication is effortless? Most importantly, are they building a foundation with you? If you can’t communicate efficiently with someone, it may not get past the courting period.
If you see any type of abusive behaviour in the beginning, please do count it as a massive red flag. It does not mean that he will be abusive with you; however, it does give us insight into possible aggression in his personality. It is up to you if you would like to stick around and find out. I suggest you don’t.
If things are going to fast, this is a red flag. I will also add, if things are going to slow, this is a red flag. When it comes to getting to know someone new, getting to know each other at the right pace is important. If things go to slowly, you may end up becoming just friends or one party can lose interest. And if things go too fast… well, as the saying goes ‘What goes up, must come down.’ There should be a mutual amount of interest, with a hint of anticipation and a pace that makes both of you comfortable.
Pay attention to the red flags when getting to know someone. Your time is precious and whom you spend it with is important. It is better to analyze if it is worth it before you get attached. And, if it is, as I always say, take a deep breath…
And just enjoy the ride!