Bitch Boss: Priya Malik's Take On Monalisa & Manoj Punjabi's 'Nauseous' Love Story

Priya Malik , 26 Oct 2016

Ex-Bigg Boss contestant Priya Malik is recapping Bigg Boss season 10 for us. You can read her recaps here. Follow her on Twitter: @PriyaSometimes.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author.

Priya Malik
Priya Malik

Breaking News: This year’s housemates are wearing our dairy task costumes from last season while they’re doing their laundry task.

Who wore it better?

PS: They should be glad that I hadn’t peed in mine (insert evil laughter)

The episode starts with the commoners gathered around the dining table surprised and agitated at the fact that Swami ji escaped nominations this week and because he has been a dibby dobber. By now, they should all believe that he definitely has supernatural powers. He can’t just walk on water, he can walk all over them and not even turn around to look back. Oh yeah, he is bringing tharki back, oh yeah!

Navin is PMSing, on this note I should tell you that in my two months in the house, I had skipped a period, so clearly, I recognise the symptoms. He gets up and screams at Swami ji, “Utha ke phenk doonga tujhe” – if only he had said/done that to Arnab. Sigh.

Monalisa brings to forefront the intimacy issue with Manoj, who doesn’t miss this oppurtunity to tell us that he has a BMW4 and two other automatic cars. I am so aroused by this display of wealth already, I’d totally date his car…if it is a “pure car”. I might even consider marrying it. Imagine our leather coated children with reverse parking sensors. I will name them Automatic Assholes 1 and 2, respectively.

The Bigg Boss laundry task is introduced wherein the housemates will be given clothes to wash (yes, you guessed it right). The team that does their job quicker and better wins the task. Each team also has an appointed quality officer; Rohan and Nitibha,who will inspect the clothes before delivering them to Bigg Boss. The first thing that they should really wash is those old recycled costumes. Seriously.

The task begins with a clot of commotion. We see a bunch of people snatching clothes from each other like it’s a sale day at Zara. Everyone springs into action while Rohan (hello again, son) asks Swami ji to use his supernatural abilities to wash and dry clothes instantly – so much swag! As the quality inspector, when he does his job by rejecting an ironed piece of clothing because it is too wet, Navin screams at him aggressively and calls him a headless chicken, as he counts days until the day his own eggs begin to shed.

Swami ji then tells Manoj and Manveer about his upcoming film again. Apparently, it has a 100cr budget and has actors from Hollywood and Bollywood. I think the fact that Angelina Jolie divorced Brad Pitt is also somehow linked to this release because Swangelina just sounds so much better! The commoners also discuss how they’re doing this show for name and fame, while the celebrities are just doing it for money. They comment on how Bani is no longer the rebel that she used to be years ago, as she is just revamping her image. Navin quietly listens to this discussion dreaming about the days when even he would become a “heartless celebrity”.
The laundry task continues and Rohan and Nitibha meet some resistance on their quality checks, as this happens, Monalisa and Manoj begin their romantic getaway in the living room. They discuss the laundry task by just repeating monotonous details of what we’ve already seen. I can already see them as an old married couple having nothing to talk about but what’s for dinner.

After nine hours of work, the teams successfully send nine clothes each for approval. Bigg Boss (my alleged husband) sarcastically instructs them to take some rest after a hard day’s work. Monalisa confronts her team about Bani’s remark wherein she mentioned that while some of them were working, others were just having fun. Monalisa takes this remark personally (which is perhaps because she was having fun indeed).

Monalisa is next shown having some more fun with Manoj. They’re beginning to act like that couple that is nauseatingly in love as they see each other with puppy dog eyes. Navin and Manveer ask Swami ji about the “manmohak” mantra at which Swami ji quips that if he could exercise that mantra with full power then he’d become the next American president. Well, if there is anyone who can actually give Trump some competition in tharak then it is indeed our Om Swami. Let’s make America grab pussies again!

At 1:15am, when Monalisa walks into the kitchen while Manoj drinks some milk, he tells her “Tum mera doodh jootha toh kar jao” and this suddenly becomes a more cringeworthy love story than Prince and Nora from last season. #StillABetterLoveStoryThanTwilight

We end the episode with glimpses of tomorrow’s episode. There will be more action, more drama and a whole lot of asli tatti being flung around the house. Can’t wait!

PS: *something about Kashmir*
PPS: *something else about Kashmir*

Yours bitchfully,
Bitch Boss

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