Ex-Bigg Boss contestant Priya Malik is recapping Bigg Boss season 10 for us. You can read her recaps here. Follow her on Twitter: @PriyaSometimes.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author.
The day begins with us watching Swami ji dancing hand in hand with Monalisa on Nazrein mili, dil dhadka. Watching that dance sequence at the beginning of the day is as uncomfortable as waiting for Rahul Gandhi to make some sense in his speeches.
While the praja readies breakfast in the kitchen, Rohan flings the kitchen knife and accidentally hurts Bani. Bani begins to bleed a little and tells them “Tum sab paagal ho. Saare ke saare”, this is the second best gem after “Asli tatti” from Bani. She admonishes all the paagals and sobs a little in the bathroom while Rohan weeps outside the bathroom for hurting Bani. This sequence is still more emotionally captivating than Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. Trust me.
PS: while everyone at least walks into the bathroom to check on Bani, Swami ji maintains that it is her “game plan”. So bhartiya. Much parampara. Wow. He further concedes that he was the actual target which is why his angrakshak Bani was first targeted by Rohan. Rohan is the real Judas. Later, he apologises to Bani again (she kind of accepts his apology) and is also admonished by Bigg Boss (kadi ninda et al).
Later, Swami ji tells Bigg Boss that Rohan should be abdicated from the house because of his physical assault on Bani. I still think Bani is a lot more unsafe as Swami ji’s angrakshak than she is while getting “assaulted” accidentally by Rohan.
In the meanwhile, Rohan continues feeling guilty for his mistake and tells Lopa that he can’t do this anymore and sobs a bit more (as annoying as Ranbir Kapoor’s sobs in ADHM). Interestingly, Bani manages to convince Nitibha to try on a different style of makeup. Not the Kashmir ki Kali kinds, but a clownish makeup , which is also a a part of the secret task.
Asshole Girgit Manveer and Asshole Saanp Manoj begin to get a bit suspicious of the celebrities asking them to venture into makeovers and for asking Swami ji to get into jacuzzi. Swami ji tells them that “Raja hamesha daasiyo ke saath he nahate the”. Bhartiya paramparaa, I’m sure. His oorja gets really excited as he says that. One can see the tharak dripping from his face the same way alcohol flows at a Punjabi wedding.
As a part of Swami ji’s jacuzzi venture (shahi snaan) Lopa is also asked to give her Miss United Continents (2nd Runner Up) crown to Swami ji which she refuses to so. She doesn’t want the “Bitch stole my look” feeling. I get it. Swami ji enters the pool (fully clothed, thank God) and Manu also compares him to a dog getting bathed. I disagree. My dog looks a lot cuter in water than Swami ji ever can.
Swami ji then enters the jacuzzi (amidst the cries of Raja ji ki jai ho) and is assisted by Lopa and Mona and the celebs manage to fulfill yet another secret task. Swami ji’s Oorja gets almost patan’d and we are glad to have witnessed it on national television. Thank God for the soapy white water in the jacuzzi, otherwise it would have never been possible. This was indeed a historic moment. Raja ji ki jai ho.
Celebs succeed in another few tasks (Nitibha’s clown makeup, Swami wearing Rahul’s socks and Bani pushing Lokesh in the pool). Since Rohan is also pushed in the pool with Lokesh, Swami ji gets really angry at him because only Swami ji reserves the right to be in water with other women. He demands that Rohan must be sent to jail as punishment. He uses cuss words (very much a bhartiya paramparaa) and calls Lokesh “charitraheen” and only Lopa questions him for calling her that. Yass Lopa. This charitraheen Swami ji then calls Lopa a “rasoiya” rudely and tries to shoo her away. Raja ji ki jai ho.
The secret task eventually comes to an end and we see Swami ji telling Manu that he would have *beeped out* stuff to Monalisa for kissing Manu had he not “galti se” accepted her as his daughter. We don’t get to hear what exactly the Swami intends to do to Mona but the boys (Manoj, Manveer and Navin) tell him to shut up and speak respectfully to women. Speaking disrespectfully to women seems to be a part of bhartiya parampaara too, so I am assuming Swami ji thinks it’s justifiable.
In the kitchen, Nitibha complains to Lopa for her cuppa tea getting delayed and Lopa responds to this with much swagger and they get into a yelling match like the Divided Continents (see what I did there? I deserve a crown).
Eventually, the secret task results are announced and the commoners really feel the fizz when they realise that they lost the satta to the celebs. The commoners lament on their loss by blaming each other but Swami ji insists that it was all due to “Mona ka chumma” (not a real Bhojpuri film title, but can be). Monalisa also tells Swami ji to not dictate her life (or her chummis), and rightly so.
We also see Lopa make Nitibha massage her shoulders while the commoners cook “shahi food”. While the celebrities enjoy the jacuzzi, Swami ji insists on packing his bags because he assumes that he will be sent to jail again for being the weakest link. Somehow, they all hug each other strangely and Swami ji calls Mona his “beti” again. Eww.
We cut to the boys (Manveer, Manoj and Navin) discussing their time in the house and Navin says that his family must be worried because of his temper and because “ek do baar ladki bhi ghumate hue dikha” (so respectful). Manoj and Manveer make fun of Navin and then together, they all make fun of Swami ji which Navin really enjoys doing. Sigh. Not sighing.
PS: Paagal hain sab. Saare ke saare.
PPS: That’s what they told me in Kashmir.
Yours bitchfully,
Bitch Boss