Bitch Boss: Priya Malik's Review Of Swami Ji's Hathon Ka Jaadu & The Immunity Task

Priya Malik , 05 Nov 2016

Ex-Bigg Boss contestant Priya Malik is recapping Bigg Boss season 10 for us. You can read her recaps here. Follow her on Twitter: @PriyaSometimes.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author.

Priya Malik
Priya Malik

We begin the episode with a mundane conversation between Gaurav and Bani where Gaurav maintains how he has been/and will always maintain his class on the show. The zombie class. Yass. And, Bani makes some random comment about her and Manveer being a good jodi. Their punishment task also comes to an end in the morning and we’re no longer punished to see them doing nothing.

The housemates wake up to Hawa ke saath saath, and Swami ji runs all the way to the jail to dance with his beti Nitibha (bachpan main bhi toh beti ko nehlate hain kinda beti). He then catches beti Monalisa (who has finally stepped out of the painting) and holds hands with her while dancing a little bit more, much to our horror. At this point, Swami ji and Monalisa also whip their hair back and forth and we can sense some kind of a sexual tension between them (vomiting in my own mouth as I type this).

Om Swami Ji
Om Swami Ji

We cut to our action-romantic-tragic-evergreen hero Swami ji turned singer, singing a holy song at the dining table. He is definitely a better actor than Aijaz Khan.  He breaks into tears and says that he is embarrassed at his antics over the last few weeks (well, so are we). While everyone else consoles him (Manu, Manveer, Navin and Mona), Rahul Dev just looks at him with an amused expression (the kind that Hilary has reserved for Trump) and says “Aap bilkul bachche ki tarah hain”. Please Rahul. This makes me never want to have children. You’re killing my ovaries.

Lopa is then called in by Bigg Boss and asked to choose (unanimously with the rest) 3 people from the celebrity team who will compete in an immunity task. The three chosen names are Bani, Lopa and Mona (we are never told the logic behind it) but yay, women power. They are given a ski balancing task, wherein they wear shoes and balance themselves on a ski, whoever stays the longest, wins it. Mona doesn’t get the task because the Dull Lake in Kashmir was named after her. Am I right, Nitibha?

As the task begins, Lopa wears a superwoman cape because a crown wasn’t available for her validation. Bani gets angry at sanchalak Navin because he refuses to give her a meal as it’s considered a “help” in the task. At this, Bani threatens to “whack” him once the task is done and no one says a thing as we see Gaurav staring into oblivion. Had a guy said this to a girl, *maybe*, someone would’ve reacted but because this threat of physical aggression is issued by yo yo super cool queen of Chandigarh, everyone just takes it.

Monalisa is the first one to quit the task because uske lehenge mein baad aail ba. We then see Swami ji applying pain reliever balm on her lower back in the next scene. Unki dhoti main baad aail ba too, I bet. Mona quips “Gurji aapke haatho main ekdum jaadu hai” when Lokesh tries to take over. I think Swami ji found Mona’s G-spot. He is an explorer, after all.

In the task, Bani accidentally slips on the ski and blames “paagal” Lopa for it. In the meanwhile, Nitibha and Karan are released from the jail and Nitibha remarks on a “happy, relaxing, stay in jail”. They should leave her there if it reminds her of Kashmir. This also happened because they weren’t doing anything in the jail, i.e. no substantial conversations.

While Monalisa relaxes in Swami ji’s oorja bhari lap, Bani and Lopa get into a catfight during the task, like a reallllll one. Bani does exactly what Navin did, she unlaces Mona’s shoes from behind and says “game hai, khel rahe hain”, remember, Chandigarh? The ski breaks into two pieces and Bani’s foot falls out (My dog’s name is Karma. He is not a bitch) and Navin declares Lopa as the winner.

Manveer tells Bani that her team is upto no good (because they didn’t protest Navin’s decision) and tells her that he really wanted her to win. At this moment, I also realise that Bani’s speech is always on the fast forward mode. Feel the fizzz.

Appy Fizz introduces another Feel the Fizz task, and we see a montage of Priyanka Chopra posing on the ground, feeling the fizz, at the bottom of the screen. Just like all the other Appy Fizz tasks, this too, is quite interesting. They are asked fizzy questions about other housemates and they need to give the right answers. This is such a great ploy to cause more fights and romances in the house. Hurrah. I love you, Bigg Boss. Let’s get remarried!

While we hear some revelations from the housemates (such as that Bani finds Manveer hot and that he would like to take her on a date), SURPRISE! Bani also doesn’t understand the word “chaploos“, just like she didn’t understand the word “kaamnaayein” a few days ago. Which language do they speak in Chandigarh and Mumbai, I wonder?! She reminds me of those Indians, who go to Bangkok for the weekend and come back with “Main Hindi bool gaya” in proper Bangkok accent.

The celebrities win this fizzy dizzy task and hence also become the sole custodians of the luxury task. We cut to Lokesh combing (yes, combing) Manu’s hair (why Lokesh, why?) and they discuss how “cheaply” the celebrities acted for immunity. Erm, have they seen any previous seasons of Bigg Boss? Asli tatti had gone wild.

PS: Bigg Boss, we will go to Kashmir for our honeymoon.

PPS: We won’t take Nitibha along. Unlike Akansha, we want our marriage to consummate.

Yours bitchfully,

Bitch Boss

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