Bitch Boss: Priya Malik's Take On Swami Ji's Second Innings & Its After Effects

Priya Malik , 11 Nov 2016

Ex-Bigg Boss contestant Priya Malik is recapping Bigg Boss season 10 for us. You can read her recaps here. Follow her on Twitter: @PriyaSometimes.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author.

Priya Malik
Priya Malik

Finafuckingly!

The housemates get woken up at an ungodly hour only to be told that now there is no divide between the celebrities and the commoners because (thanks to Bigg Boss), they are all equally known by the public. Not like we knew most of the celebs anyway, but yeah. There’s fire and stuff in the garden area and Nitibha tells Bani that she couldn’t be happier and plans her next trip to Kashmir

Manveer, Manoj and Navin do a strange dance routine to celebrate which is ironic since they always said things “yeh sab celebs aise hee hote hain”, “heartless log“, but they’re now rejoicing at entering the same league. Fame is a strange drug. It comes with no options of a rehab. Manoj also decides to remind us of his assholiness and says to Monalisa“Tu kehti hai toh tere paas waale palang par aa jaaoon”. So celeb. Much heartless. Lokesh also tells Nitibha that she will now show people who she truly is and that she is also glad to be out of the team divide.

The HOUSEMATES get woken up to “zindagi ek safar hai suhaana” and we witness Swami ji head banging to it. Sigh! We see Manveer and Monalisa discussing Lokesh being isolated from their group and we also see her shedding a tear. We cut to a strange footage of Lokesh folding her clothes and singing a tune and Swami ji interrupting it from his gupt kamra. Talking about secret rooms, Bigg Boss is quite selective on who he sends there. It was Mandana last year and Swami ji this year. No correlation, I suppose?

Bigg Boss tells Swami Om that he’ll now be sent back to the house but his entry will be dependent on the housemates’ decision. Swami ji also announces that if he wins Bigg Boss *cue the song Oh mere sapno ke saudagar*, he will donate ALL his prize money to charity. Can we donate him instead? To another planet preferably?

Meanwhile, on the Bigg Boss planet, the housemates get told that they have 1400 points for their luxury budget. Amongst the food hampers available is also Swami ji, who is undeniably the most fulfilling yet prone to acidity and gas inducing food item available. Can they just buy him and eat him? Sadly, the “saadhuo ke virodhi” housemates don’t choose Swami ji and order other unfulfilling food items instead.  Manu, Manveer, Monalisa and Manvin (oh sorry, Navin) are then seen discussing Swami ji and Manu quips “Jam or Babaji ke badle main main jam chunta”. Main bhi. 

And then, jam, err…I mean Swami ji enters the house dressed as mixed fruit jam and they all rejoice and clap and he starts grabbing everyone’s feet. Umm yeah. He enters the house with a lie “main soya nahi teen din”, when we had clearly seen him asleep in the gupt kamra. Liar liar, dhoti on fire. He further intensifies his true lies by saying that he was in the outside world for these three days and that he didn’t watch any episodes. Navin hugs Swami ji and cries like he has lost yet another immunity task.

Bigg Boss informs the housemates that Swami ji was in a secret room and keeping an eye on them and hence is assigned the “Parda faash” task. Ideally, the next wildcard should do that to Swami ji. That’ll be more fun. Swami ji begins this by taking about Monalisa’s alleged lover in the outside world. As always, she sheds a tear. *yawns* When he attempts to pardafaash Nitibha, she lashes back at him and hilarity ensues. As yelling continues, Karan sits mute in one corner with one hand on his ear and Lopa chuckles in the background.

Manu and Gaurav also lash back at him and he alienates himself further from the group, at this point, reader, please sing “Om ji Om ji…sabka dil jeet ke jaayenge” and laugh. Manu, Manveer, Monalisa and Navin (henceforth will be referred to as M3N because I am too lazy to type) decide to boycott Swami ji during the rest of his stay.

We see Lokesh telling Nitibha that she has been mistreated by Manu and Manveer (surprise) and she tries to console her. M3N sits in the bathroom and strategize on the Swami ji boycott until Nitibha and Lokesh join them. Lokesh tries to put her point across but to no avail.

We cut to Manu asking Lokesh to share a bed with Swami ji by placing a pillow in the middle. Lokesh finds it hard to say no to him but then tells Bani about it who undertakes the responsibility of saying “No” to Manu for it. This is the only nanosecond of the show thus far that made me like Bani, for a nanosecond.

The day finishes on an asli tatti note and my orgasm remains doomed until the duration of Swami ji’s stay.

PS: Why does it snow in Kashmir?

PPS: Because, Nitibha is cold hearted.

Yours Bitchfully

Bitch Boss

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