Bitch Boss: Priya Malik Compares The Bigg Boss Captaincy Task To The Us Elections

Priya Malik , 12 Nov 2016
Priya Malik
Priya Malik

The day begins with ‘Tum Toh Dhokebaaz Ho’ in order to welcome Swami Om ji back in the house. Early on in the day, rebel Monalisa decides to feign closeness with Manu in order to piss Swami ji off and they succeed. Manu, Manveer and Navin are then seen discussing how the celebs are actually real zombies in the house. Zombies eat brains, yes, our brains.

We cut to M3N( Manu, Manveer, Monalisa and Navin) sitting around and trying to trim Navin´s hair until Lopa walks in and Navin says, “Aao na, talent dikhao” *vomits* and she trims his hair as onlookers (Swami ji) caresses his oorja. Bigg Boss announces a captaincy task, to compete for which, the housemates need to dash to the confession room and the first three to do so, are able to compete. Bani, Manu and Swami ji qualify for this. Imagine Swami ji becoming the captain of the house, that will be akin to Trump being Mr. President, i.e. it´ll be a disaster.

The conversations in the house become abuzz with captaincy and there’s some weird air kissing between Mona and Gaurav which Manu questions her about it, because asshole. He further conveys his ownership rights to her and shows her the property deed which clearly explains that she (his property) is only allowed to flirt or even converse with him and nobody else, because, yes, you guessed it right, asshole.

We then see Nitibha reading out the captaincy task ‘Siyaasat’ while she is herself dressed like an election candidate. According to the task, the captaincy candidates will aim to get as many people supporting their ‘electoral campaig’ and they will also make a speech to do so. The person with the highest number of supporters, wins captaincy. The other twist is that in case of house rules being broken, each candidate can put two people in the jail with the support of one of the two remaining candidates.

The candidates give their speeches atop a podium. They also get different garlands to signify their colour and the whole thing reeks of US Elections. It is as terrible and as dramatic. While everyone else promises equal distribution of chores and food, Swami ji promises them that he will take his supporters in top 3, do you know why? Because, he can. His divya shakti oorja mahasomethingsomething is greater than everything. Yes. Even greater than Mcchicken nuggets.

We also notice some unbridled enthusiasm in Bani as soon as captaincy gets announced. It’s like she has ‘suddenly monetised all of her black money and is laden in hundred rupee notes’ kind of an enthusiasm. In the meanwhile, we see Swami ji telling Bani that he’ll form a coalition party (serious shizz, feel the fizz) with her and she tells him to follow his own mind. We also see Manu getting passive aggressive (more aggressive) on the dining table with his friends and later discussing the game with Swami ji. Swami ji is the real politician here. We don’t know where his loyalty lies.

Bani, who also proves to be no less of a politician, *suddenly* apologises to Lopa for hitting her in the immunity task. Lopa refuses to accept the apology because she knows why Bani is doing so. Yass Lopa, making beauty queens proud! When Swami ji approaches Rohan, we see Rohan (my baby boy) telling Swami ji in fluent sarcasm that whether he becomes the captain or not, Rohan is sure that Swami ji will be in the top 3 anyway and is hence leaning towards other mortal helpless creatures with his vote.

When Navin tries to convince Lokesh to support Manu, she breaks into a song, yes a song, explaining how ousted they made her feel and hence she won’t support him. Hallelujah. Manu calls her a ‘swine flu pig’ but obviously doesn’t have the balls to say it in front of her, because biologically speaking, assholes don’t have a pair of balls attached to them. He also tells Mona that she came to him ¨Teen din mein aa gayi thi, ghutne pe haath ghumane¨ to which Mona doesn’t really respond because she must be used to sexism and objectification, I believe.

With Swami ji’s antics and changing loyalties, the house resembles a mad house. And while everyone is seen yelling, we see Nitibha doing kathak in the background. In the meanwhile, Lokesh issues yet another warning of the ¨real Lokesh¨ to Swami ji. What happens next is hilarious.

We see Navin gathered around a bunch of white garlands (Manoj’s party’s colour) as he frantically tries to multiply the number of garland so as to increase the number around his neck. While Navin looks like he has had flower goiter disease, Manu calls him a ‘psycho’ for doing this. Despite this Lady Gaga-esue costume sported by Navin, Bani wins captaincy.

Upon this announcement, we see Bani saying that she doesn’t know what a captain´s responsibilities are (saare ke saare paagal hain) and Manu sings a song in the kitchen claiming that he doesn’t mind losing captaincy. At this point, Navin, wears an apron like it is a 500 rupee note and feels unwanted. We also fervently hope that he gets banned soon.

Lokesh is seen feeling like a fish out of water. She rallies in the kitchen eating a papaya and Nitibha and Bani discuss how even though she doesn’t get along with M3N, she enjoys spending her time with them. Later, celebs who rejoiced at becoming celebs (Manu and Manveer) are found bitching about how ‘celebs’ are.

Eventually, housemates are then seen in bed, some chatting and some trying to get some sleep while Swami ji wraps a towel around his hips at which Bani quips “Woh nange sotay hain kya?” and our attention immediately shifts to his oorja ka patan.

PS: How would Swami ji sleep in Kashmir?
PPS: With a frozen oorja.

Yours bitchfully,
Bitch Boss

Related Stories

Related Stories

More Showbiz