Expert Talk: A 10 Step Guide To Getting Over A Relationship

Karishma Govil , 03 Mar 2018
Breaking Heart (Image Courtesy: Shutterstock)
Breaking Heart (Image Courtesy: Shutterstock)

There’s always that one person you’ve loved with all your heart. That person you’d take a bullet for. The one you’d do pretty much anything for. Someone you let your guard down to. But sometimes, for various reasons, the relationship doesn’t work out. Don’t beat yourself up. We know right now, it looks like you won’t be able to, but trust us on this, you’ll get over it if you follow these steps. We got a chance to discuss this with Varkha Chulani. She is a clinical psychologist and an expert in the psychology of peak performance in the areas of personal, professional and organizational challenges. And she gave us a low-down on how you can truly get over a relationship. Here’s what she had to say.

STEP 1: Accept The Truth

It’s the most important step. The problem most people face is that they live in denial and think that this person will come back. And they think that the relationship will be exactly like it was before. But that’s not true, and you need to first accept that fully.

STEP 2: Grieve

It’s important to let it all out. Most people pretend like they’re okay and nothing is wrong. But it’s very important to grieve. And it’s unhealthy if you keep it all in.

STEP 3: When You Start To Reminisce, Allow It

Don’t create a mental barrier. If you’re thinking about that certain someone, which is totally normal, you should allow your mind to wander there. It helps the mind accept the truth.

STEP 4: Introspect

It’s very easy to blame the other person for the breakup. But self-reflection is very crucial. It’s important to see what your contribution was in the relationship, too.

STEP 5: Take Time

Like they say, time heals it all. Varkha suggests, not to jump into another relationship immediately. Take time as you are still trying to heal from it.

Lonely Girl (Image Courtesy: Shutterstock)
Girl (Image Courtesy: Shutterstock)

STEP 6: Get To Know Yourself

It’s time to get to know yourself a lot better. What your likes are. What you will not tolerate. What excites you and what disappoints you.

STEP 7: Start Assessing The Kind Of Person You’d Want To Be With

Varkha recommends to first get to know yourself, take time and then try and understand who you’d want to date. What kind of personality would compliment yours well.

STEP 8: Explore

Start looking around. By now, you know what kind of person you’d want to be with. So go out, hangout with your friends. Be approachable to new people in your life.

STEP 9: Go On Dates

Once you’ve starting welcoming new people to your life, you could start going on dates. But hey, don’t get to involved till you get to know that person well. Don’t be impulsive. Be patient.

STEP 10: Don’t Compare

Once you start dating someone and you’ve started developing feelings for them, it’s important you don’t compare that person to your ex. It’s not fair to the person you’re with. Plus, it’s unhealthy. And remember, you broke up for a reason!

So, now that you know how to get over that toxic relationship, it’s time to get right to it. Don’t worry, it happens to everyone. And yes, it’s definitely possible to get over them if you follow the above steps.

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