In Conversation With A Bisexual Woman—What It's Like Coming Out In India

Dhruvi Modi , 06 Sep 2019

Coming out is an important event in any person’s life who identifies themselves as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Given the hate crimes and sheer maltreatment of any person who isn’t heterosexual, it’s no surprise that many LGBTQ+ people refrain from openly coming out. While society is progressing, it is yet to reach a level of maturity where we can embrace those who do not conform to the obsolete and traditional mindset. Progress, in any country, is moving forward not only economically but also by shaping minds and teaching the future generation to be more accepting of those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and more.

Admittedly, due to the stigma around the issue of bisexuality, many bisexual people don’t come out. Period. There are legions of women and men out there, married to the opposite sex despite their sexuality. And that is the harsh reality. Fear of disownment by family, marginalisation by friends, or just feeling like people won’t see you the same way, prevent many from being their true selves.

To get a fresh perspective, we got in touch with an Indian woman who identifies as bisexual and recently came out to her parents and friends. While this article doesn’t necessarily serve as a fixed guide, it does shed some light on the struggles faced by a member of the LGBTQ community. We had our Jane Doe answer a few questions, in hopes of enlightening everyone out there.

Fear Of Coming Out

When asked what her biggest fear was when confronted with the dilemma of coming out, Doe mentioned that it was the fear of being disowned and thrown out of the house.

I came out to my father on his birthday and he said it didn’t really matter. As for my cousin, we were shopping when I came out. She was fine with it too. I have not come out to my mother as of yet. However, I have been dropping hints.

When asked about her social circle, she mentioned,

Many of my friends had figured out that I bisexual way before I came terms with it. Once I came out, they cheered me on. They are all very supportive. Sometimes, a few of my friends and I go out to a club that is LGBTQ+ friendly so that they can understand what it is like to be me. I am happy they are all happy with who I am.

Dealing With Homophobia

My first encounter with homophobia was when I just moved to Mumbai. When I told my ex-roommate that I was bi-curious, she started a rumour that went all the way to my college management. She told our head of academics that I would look at her sexually and creep everyone out, amongst many other rumours. I felt traumatised. However, after much counselling, not only did I change apartments, I learnt that not everyone has the same mindset as you. One can simply try and educate a homophobe. But you can only teach someone so much.

I usually just ignore someone who is homophobic. Honestly speaking, I do not have time to deal with negativity.

Struggling With Coming Out

Take your time. You will lose people but that should not matter. Just be truthful to yourself. Everything will fall in place. Be comfortable with yourself because no one is gonna like you if you are uncomfortable.

How To Come Out

Coming out can be tricky indeed, and while it differs from person to person, it is important to note that there is no right way to come out as bisexual. She also states,

Families differ. Maybe you should make everyone sit down, explain and tell them it is normal? It depends on the person and their relationship with their family. All I can say is that you should stay strong. The journey may be difficult but the destination is beautiful.

We really commend anyone who can stand up to the norm and stay true to themselves. In light of the first anniversary of the scrapping of Section 377, let’s make sure to accept everyone and spread the love. Because after all, love is love, amirite?

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