This pandemic has claimed so many lives globally and still continues to do so. It’s a loss that can never be undone. Times are rough and lots of lives are experiencing devastating changes that are difficult to get through. And when you lose someone you love, its a pain that only you can understand. Some people experience denial for a long time before finally griefing and letting it out, some people try to mask their feelings—we all grieve differently. And so, if you or someone you know has lost someone they loved and are griefing, there are a few things you/they should remember.
Ms. Anagha Bhave, a psychologist and an alumna of St. Xaviers College, Columbia University, NY shared her expert inputs on how to deal with the loss of a loved one and it focuses on understanding grief. Scroll down to read the 13 things you should remember while grieving.
You have to remember that there is no ‘one size fits all’ for grieving. Everyone has a different way of grieving and it is totally okay if you grieve in a way that most people don’t.
To deal with grief in a healthy way is to allow yourself to experience grief even though it is painful. Do not suppress or avoid your feelings.
The harsh truth about grief is that there is no easy way to move on. Don’t look to take shortcuts and quick fixes, because they’re just temporary fixes. Getting drunk or taking drugs will make the grieving period even worse and make it even harder for you to actually move on in the true sense.
Ask yourself what is helping and what is harming at the moment. Your mind and body give you signs when something isn’t working like you thought it would and vice versa. Invest more in whatever is helping you.
Grief doesn’t have a fixed time frame. Some people move on quickly, some people don’t move on for years. And so, remember to not attach any guilt if you feel like you’re moving on too slowly or too quickly. As mentioned earlier, grief is different for everyone!
It is not just sadness that you feel when you are grieving, and that’s what most people get wrong about it. Remember, grief is not just manifested as sadness. It can also come out as anger, guilt, trauma too!
Do not feel shy or guilty to reach out for help. Talk to others for support—they could be your family, friends, or even therapists. Asking for help and support is never a bad decision.
The grieving period can take a toll on your physical health as well. Some people lose appetite, some lose the drive the even get out of the bed. But it is extremely important for you to take care of yourself physically, even if you don’t feel like it!
Everyone grieves differently and so various things work for various people. Tune in to religious/spiritual ideas about death and loss if that helps you.
You have to remember that you might continue to miss that person. But that doesn’t mean that the grief will last forever. You can get over the grief and still miss that person.
Remember others can feel awkward and uncomfortable when consoling someone, it isn’t their fault. So, they can end up saying some wrong things without meaning to do any harm.
Emotional recovery may not be linear—grief emotions may appear suddenly or abruptly. But do not misunderstand it as a ‘setback’ to your progress.
Death is inevitable, although that does not make it any easier to deal with. But try to focus on your life’s meaning—that can help deal with grief better and come out of grief.
Grief is difficult to deal with and we hope whatever you are going through gets better.
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