There is no denying the fact that sex makes the world go ’round! But the way men and women approach sex is vastly different from each other. From their turn-ons and sexual motivations to their sexual drive and conflict-resolution style—everything differs.
We recently had a conversation on Malini’s Girl Tribe on the female libido. And it brought about an interesting insight into the female psyche. Here’s the conversation:
I have a very peculiar libido. It rises if I am mentally satisfied with the person. If I am not then nothing works. When the person has done enough things to make me feel loved, special and wanted, only then I can have sex with them. Otherwise, I can’t. Sometimes, maybe he wants to have sex but I don’t feel like. What could be the reason for this?
So, we reached out to Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist Prachi S Vaish, to get her inputs on this question, and here’s what she said:
You’re a person…of course, you would like having sex when you’re psychologically and emotionally turned on! There’s nothing peculiar about it. Everyone loves to be treated well before they get intimate. Also, people who like to establish an emotional connect with someone before having sex are called demisexuals and that’s absolutely normal. You have the right to have sex the way you want to. As for the times when he wants to have sex and you don’t, that’s normal too. No two people have libidos that are exactly aligned. However, if it’s happening too often, maybe there’s a mismatch in how the desire is being expressed and understood, and also in expectations. A couples’ therapist could help you sort it out!
Keen to understand better the differences in sexuality between men and women, we asked Prachi to help us list down the basic points. Scroll down to read them!
Whenever anyone is trying to turn their partner on, the first thing to remember is that their anatomy is different and their perceptions are different. Therefore, it won’t work if you try to turn them on like you would want to be turned on.
For a man, sex is a leisure activity. It is something to relax with, something that causes a release of built-up sexual tension. For women, it is an emotional event. So, wooing has to be involved. Women are also usually more aesthetically advanced than men. So, things like body odour, ambience, etc. hold a lot of importance for us.
When there’s conflict, sex is the last thing a woman may think of. Her priority is to first resolve the conflict. And during this time if the man approaches her with the intent of sex, she may think, ‘How can he even think about sex right now!’. But for men, sex is a way to reestablish the broken connection. Many men also get turned on by an emotionally-charged scene.
When you’re trying to turn a man on, think of what he would want to start with. Then, gradually move into mutual pleasure. When the moment is mutual, then this is not relevant.
Do him something to make his eyes pop. You could put on something sexy that you’ve never tried before and sashay around in front of him as if you’re going about your business. Bend over in front of him to give him a nice visual treat. If he isn’t around, send him a sexy selfie.
Notice the women he notices when you’re out in public. Figure out what his fantasies are. Have you ever put on a fragrance he liked? Just FYI, men usually find a hint of vanilla quite a turn on!
There’s so much to say on this subject that it’s not possible to cover it all. But I’d just say, tune into him. Find out what he likes, and stay far away from judgement! Wishing you loads of fun and pleasure!
What is your most pressing concern when it comes to your sexual well-being? Please share it with us in the comments below!
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