The thing about something as intangible as maturity is how can one measure it? Is it a subjective perspective when we believe we are mature enough? Or is it something that other people in our lives tell us? Frankly, no one might be able to answer these questions. And there’s no timeline either but it is believed that we mature as we age. Now I can attest to this theory because we make a lot of mistakes while we do our growing up. These mistakes teach us what works in our favour and what we shouldn’t do, Period. That’s why I am so grateful for having made all the mistakes I have.
It’s also something I pass on to my friends and family, I tell them to make many mistakes because that is how we learn to be better. I mean don’t go making the obvious one’s like you know you’ll get burnt if you touch a fire, similarly don’t go doing something that is clearly wrong. You’re not going to learn anything new there. But here’s a list of a few things that will make your maturity apparent to you.
Here’s a list of 10 life-changing choices you will make as you mature:
1) Time is a precious commodity.
As the years go by you lose people and pets to death. You understand it is inevitable and you accept it but it will change you. There will be a paradigm shift within you that will make you question everything and if there isn’t that’s fine too. We all process things differently. From my personal experience of losing my dog, I changed. Everything I was suppressing, all my pain and trauma surfaced. I realised life is too short to be anything less than who you are and take anything less than you deserve. I made a conscious attempt to be more present in the moment and I can tell you that I am happier for it. If this isn’t a clear indication to you becoming mature, I don’t know what is.
2) Talk less and listen more.
This one hit me like a wrecking ball, I have finally learnt to hear and comprehend without wanting to jump to my defence. I also have this habit of drawing parallels to my life when someone is talking to try to comfort them. But I realise now that sometimes people just need to be heard. All they want is to talk, so now I make sure to put my phone aside and really listen to people. I still battle with chiming in but now I wait for them to ask my opinion or when they are done I ask if they would like to know what I think. Most times they will welcome your opinions, they might not do what you suggest but they will absorb it better as they have spoken their peace. This is an easy way to prove how mature you’ve become.
3) Being alone is good.
This one is fantastic to experience. You discover all these hidden truths about you because you’re not hiding behind your partner or friends. Spend time with yourself, breathe, meditate, take yourself out to lunch or a movie. Trust me when I say all of these acts are liberating and teach you so much. Sometimes when I am by myself, there’s a little movie from my past playing in my mind. I’m analysing why I’m behaving the way I am or trying to gauge my reactions. Most times when I look back it’s as clear as day. So I make this appeal to you, don’t go chasing a relationship or companionship. Spend time with yourself, learn and love who you are becoming. This will help you meet and draw in energy that will match yours in the future. Alone time allows for one’s depleted energy to replenish as well.
4) Speak up for yourself and others.
When I was younger I often spoke out of turn and my expectations were unrealistic. I was entitled and running around without any clarity. I was timid but still bold, there were days I would speak up for myself and then there were days that I just couldn’t. But with time I’ve gained the skills and diplomacy to make my point without being unkind or cruel. Even if someone is asking for it, I remind myself that it is important for me to put my foot down if my boundaries are being pushed. No one can read your mind, so if you do no speak up, the consequences are yours to deal with. Speak up for others too, if they don’t have a voice yet, maybe they will watch you and learn to do that for themselves in time. Also, know when to stand up, don’t just yap on about things that you don’t understand.
5) Gossiping gets boring as you mature.
I can’t tell you how much I don’t care about another person’s life. It is of no consequence to me what they do or how they live. I hope they are happy and doing what they need to thrive. I feel idle when I gossip, sometimes it’s fun to her but I don’t enjoy bad-mouthing people. Now with the rise of social media and access to people’s personal lives, we talk more about how a person portrays themselves on the internet. Frankly, if someone’s content doesn’t inspire me to think nice thoughts, I hit the unfollow button. It’s not personal, but I don’t want to be that hater following someone and saying how much I dislike them. Just stop this habit, you are not an aunty or an idle uncle. You don’t get to have an opinion about someone else’s life. Just chill, focus about your own life, there’s room for growth.
6) You learn to love and accept yourself as you mature.
People will tell you how you are not their cup of tea. They will talk about you behind your back and alienate you and make you feel small. That is life, but you cannot go around making everyone happy or befriending everyone. Trust that you will find your tribe and they will love and support you no matter what. But honestly, do you really need this validation? I mean you should like yourself enough to know for sure that you are a good person. This takes years because we’re so deeply conditioned to get external validation that breaking out of this pattern will take conscious unlearning. Steady focus and enough alone time will allow you to appreciate the good qualities you have within. Shine a light on them every time and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done every time you do a good job. No achievement is too small, celebrating the small wins will in fact let you achieve this goal a lot faster.
7) It’s ok to not know everything.
You cannot possibly know everything about everything. So there’s no need to pretend that you do. In fact, accepting that you have a lot to learn can be the most fun experience in your life. It’s not uncomfortable, always say I’m sorry I’m not sure I have enough information about this subject but I’d love to hear more about it from you. It’s the easiest way to have a great conversation and not feel silly while doing so. I’m sure the opposite person will feel more engaged in a conversation where you aren’t just nodding along. Read about anything that sparks your interest. Or go take up these short classes, there are plenty of them to help you learn something fast. And if you really enjoy it then you can look into a more detailed class, I mean what have you go to lose really?
8) Deal with problems instead of suppressing them.
This has been the hardest thing for me to explore, I’ve always had this habit of sweeping my emotions under a rug and pretending they don’t exist. It had helped me get pretty far in my life. Then I ran into a wall because I was repeating the same mistakes and I wasn’t happy. I finally decided I need to take some time away from work, I want to say; I recognise the privilege of being able to do so and not many of you can afford this luxury. But I was dealing with years of trauma and I had to see a therapist and seriously pull focus back to myself. It was so easy for me to hide behind the countless hours of work and people in my life. But coming face-to-face with my demons was the best thing I ever did. As I mature every day, I understand my limitations and have my emotions under control. So please take some time out to be alone, even if you can’t pull away from your work. Just go be someplace silent and work it out.
9) Your family becomes more important.
This right here is everything you will need. They will stand by you and help you when the going gets tough. They might also be your toughest critics but they will love you through all your falls. Again, while I say this I recognise the privilege of having a family that will support me through it all. A lot of you may not have that, but as you mature you will learn that harbouring hate and anger will only damage your life and growth. If you need to repair a bond that is damaged, do it because time is precious as we learnt in point no 1. Your family won’t be around forever and you don’t want to live on with any regrets. Take everything in life with a pinch of salt, it might help you move along with a happier disposition.
10) Friends become an extension of your family.
Friends are the family we choose. Choose them wisely and remind yourself that if your friend becomes toxic over a period of time, it is ok to end that relationship. You do not owe anyone your mental space and time. Be clear in what these friendship bring to your life. Let it enhance who you are and where you are heading. I love my friends and how they become an extension of me itself. They become the foundations for a successful life.
What are some of the things that make you feel mature? Let me know in the comments below.
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