3 FAQs About Partner Sex And Pleasure—Answered By An Expert

Pooja Maheshwary , 11 Nov 2020
An Indian Couple Sharing An Intimate Moment In The Bedroom By DewDrops Images | www.shutterstock.com
An Indian Couple Sharing An Intimate Moment In The Bedroom By DewDrops Images | www.shutterstock.com

For centuries, the sexuality of women has been controlled because everyone knows how powerful it is. A sexually confident and awakened woman who knows what she wants and gets it is a force to be reckoned with!

So often we have conversations on Malini’s Girl Tribe on Facebook about sex, pleasure and sexuality. In order to facilitate a healthy and safe space to discuss sexual wellness, we invited Prachi S Vaish, Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist, to host an Ask Me Anything session for the Tribe.

Prachi addressed all questions related to sexuality, desire, pleasure, masturbation, fantasies and kinks, discovering orgasm, loss of spark in a marriage or relationship, building intimacy, differences in sexual desires between partners, change in sexual identity, reawakening sexuality, porn and its role in sexual foreplay, sexting and other methods of foreplay outside the bedroom, sexual wellness therapies, busting myths and more! Scroll down to read the answers to some common questions women have about sexual wellness and pleasure!

Q. How do successful couples keep their spark and intimacy alive?

Successful couples are couples who realise that true intimacy is multi-level, and not just about sex or emotional intimacy. It is a spectrum, a continuum. Therefore, they never lose the playfulness between them. They also recognise that a relationship evolves. Just because you aren’t horny teenagers any more doesn’t mean you have lost the sexual spark. It has evolved into something more sensual and deep.

You must also love and take care of your own body. It doesn’t necessarily mean to be slim or a size zero or well-toned. To love your body is to own its power. To know that it is always capable of seduction. If you won’t love it, you’ll want to keep the lights off while making love, you’ll shy away from trying certain lingerie, you won’t allow yourself to be free. Do you know the kind of power a woman wields when she wantonly uncoils, stretches and walks unabashedly around a man, completely comfortable in her own skin, regardless of her weight? Trust me, there isn’t a better turn on!

Engage in more physical activities together. Exercise together, do adventure sports, go on hikes, run, jog, or just play cops and robbers! Physical activity produces endorphins naturally that releases the pheromones within your partner and you. These pheromones send subliminal signals to that part of our brain that causes arousal. Soon enough, you’ll be pouncing on each other!

Q. I only experience orgasms when I’m on top. Is that normal? Is there any way I can change that?

Girl, why would you want to change anything about the way you experience pleasure? You like to be on top and that’s perfectly fine! Also, as you mentioned, that’s the way you orgasm…it’s not necessarily the way you have sex. Surprised? Well, orgasm does not equal sex! Orgasm is just the culmination of intercourse. Sex is the whole journey that starts with the eyes! So, maybe you can enjoy the whole encounter while trying different positions, allowing your body to feel all kinds of sensations in different positions and when you feel like you’re ready to cum, hop on top! If your partner feels that he’d like some change in the position, why don’t you get on top, get your orgasm, don’t let him cum yet, and get into another position for him to finish? That’s fun too! Oh by the way, while on top, you could try the ‘Reverse Cowgirl’ position for some change; it’s when you mount him facing his legs, so you stay on top while he gets a nice view of your derrière!

Q. I have a very peculiar libido. It rises if I am mentally satisfied with the person. If I am not then nothing works. When the person has done enough things to make me feel loved, special and wanted, only then I can have sex with them. Otherwise, I can’t. Sometimes, maybe he wants to have sex but I don’t feel like. What could be the reason for this?

You’re a person…of course, you would like having sex when you’re psychologically and emotionally turned on! There’s nothing peculiar about it. Everyone loves to be treated well before they get intimate. Also, people who like to establish an emotional connect with someone before having sex are called demisexuals and that’s absolutely normal. You have the right to have sex the way you want to. As for the times when he wants to have sex and you don’t, that’s normal too. No two people have libidos that are exactly aligned. However, if it’s happening too often, maybe there’s a mismatch in how the desire is being expressed and understood, and also in expectations. A couples’ therapist could help you sort it out!

What would you like to know about sex and sexuality? Please share it with us in the comments below!

Join Malini’s Girl Tribe on Facebook to be a part of more such conversations!

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