Growing up, like most people, I was fed a certain notion of what love is. According to my parents and their parents and their parents, romantic love was homogenous. It expected compromise and left little scope for retaining one’s individualistic self-expression. This left me with either choosing between a marriage that ticked off a set list of criteria or a labelless casual relationship—both very unappealing options IMHO, because hey, let’s face it—I want love, but not the kind in the movies.
I recently came across OkCupid‘s new video #LoveIs and it definitely resonated with me. As a 31-year-old single girl, I don’t want to be stuck with a situation that demands compromise. I want to find my kind of love—a bespoke love if you will. Love that I deserve and the love that I want. Simply put I’m neither looking for my mother’s marriage nor my friend’s casual relationship (as happy as they might each be)!
So often my friends and I discuss what we’re looking for when it comes to romantic relationships. We all want to find someone we can have a connection with, somebody who gets us and loves our oddities. At the risk of sounding cliched, we all want the same thing as the generations before us—love, but a 21st-century kind. Our priority is cultivating a sense of happiness and fulfilment with a partner. And we won’t settle for a relationship that’s lacking.
Since Millennials are so often called “the confused generation” and “the ones who don’t know what they want”, I thought it would be best to put into writing what I, for one, am really looking for in a romantic relationship. The caveat here is that I know we’re all looking for different things, but this set of ads is a reminder that that’s okay!
1. A Partner Who Supports Our Career
For many of us, having our partner support our careers is an absolute must. The freedom to pursue our careers AND to have romance are not mutually exclusive. We want them both. It’s about looking for true love, yes, and still having the space to be independent. And frankly, someone who matches us in the ambition department is a big turn-on!
2. The Yin To Our YangWe want to be with our partner, but at the same time, pursue our interests, maintain old and new friendships, and still be able to enjoy our hobbies.
3. The Little Things
Each of us expresses love in a certain way. For some, it’s about the little things like leaving cutesy notes where their partner can find them, or spontaneously kissing even when in a public place. And nothing beats sharing that morning cup of coffee together every day, amirite? Maintaining a sense of mystery goes a long way. (Boys, I hope you’re taking notes!)
Think Jay Z and Beyoncé. Think Barack and Michelle Obama. We all want a partner with whom we can grow. Someone who shares life’s daily responsibilities and experiences, including household chores, cooking, cleaning and child-rearing with us. Also, someone with whom we share a solid foundation of true intimacy.
5. Living In The Moment Together
Life has its shares of ups and downs, and this year especially it became increasingly obvious how important it is to fully appreciate the little moments of life. To then have someone with whom we can share similar interests with and experience the little joys of life, is happiness itself.
6. A partner who can fulfil all our needs
Financially equal, erotic, BFF-material, strong co-parent…these are the qualities we look for. Now I know what you’re thinking. That’s a tall order! But I still believe it’s possible to find who we’re looking for—an equal in every way.
It’s true, love to me is all of this…maybe more but not less. Do I think I deserve it? OkCupid has certainly reminded me that I do!
So, now it’s your turn! Complete the sentence “Love is…” and share it in the comments below!
*This post is in partnership with OkCupid India.