15 Things To Stop Doing To Create Healthier Relationships

15 Things To Stop Doing To Create Healthier Relationships

Nelly Wadia

Any relationship we cultivate with time is bound to go through ups and downs; they all take a certain amount of work, commitment and an inclination to adapt to change. It is these very relationships with people that cross our paths every now and then. These are the very experiences and equations that transform our lives and add meaning to it as well. But let’s talk honestly for a second, there is one person who constantly gets in the way of a good thing and that person is ‘You’. Because it’s challenging to be objective about one’s own errors it becomes harder to recognise our own destructive behavioural patterns. But if we are able to zoom out of situations and accept the possibility of being wrong then we can begin to create authentic and genuine relationships built with reasonable boundaries and an understanding of them.

Every relationship comes with its very own genetic makeup and people come together for many reasons. A healthy relationship can be defined by the common knowledge of where you want this equation to go in the future and what you want it to grow into. Of course, we won’t have the answers to everything in life along the way. And of course, you’ll make plenty of mistakes even if you learn to avoid making the ones I’ve listed below but that doesn’t mean we cannot learn from trial and error and learn to be the very best version of ourselves.

Here are a few things you can avoid doing to help develop strong and long-lasting relationships:

1) Expect people to read your mind

Just like you aren't able to fix anything without someone communicating their issue to you, you should avoid expecting people to read yours. Communicate your thoughts and feelings effectively.

2) Excusing unhealthy behaviours because you love them

If we continue to be friends with people or stay in relationships with certain people it is only natural to want to turn a blind eye to their unhealthy behaviours. But doing so will only steer you away from them in the future.

3) Pretending to be okay when you're not

You don't have to pretend to be superhuman. Everyone has feelings and emotions and we all have a bad day. Sometimes expressing one's self or even crying is exactly the kind of cathartic release you need to move past what you're experiencing.

4) Ignoring one's boundaries to avoid conflict

Remember point 1? If you don't communicate that a boundary of yours is being crossed it will continue to happen eventually leading you to a violent outburst that could have been avoided. Avoid unnecessary conflict, but don't glaze over the things that actually matter to you.

5) Not standing up for things you believe in

This is the biggest disservice you can do to yourself. Speak up for the things you believe in, it'll help you find a voice for yourself and give a voice to those who may not have as much gumption as you. You can do it!

6) Punishing yourself for not healing fast enough

Healing takes a lot of time, sometimes you uncover trauma you didn't even know you had. There's no right time or a timeline for things in life. Everyone's journey is different and we all arrive at our destination when the time is right.

7) For dismissing your problems because another's might seem bigger

A problem to someone else might not feel like a problem to you but that's exactly why you shouldn't dismiss your feelings when you're feeling down about anything in your life. Be compassionate to yourself just as you would to a friend who is feeling down.

8) Overextending yourself to make everyone happy

No one in your life needs this kind of attention even work for that matter. Start putting yourself first and watch how everything else quickly falls in line in your life.

9) Forcing people to heal and grow when they aren't ready

Not everyone moves at the same pace and in the same direction. Some people aren't even aware of their own feelings. If you are aware of your own and you aren't able to reconcile with a certain individual or you'll don't see eye to eye, just back off for a bit instead of forcing them to grow or see what you do.

10) Carrying emotional baggage that doesn't belong to you

We all carry some amount of hurt and pain from our previous experiences in life. Some of that pain isn't a cross for you to bear and carrying it around can affect the way you treat other situations in the future that have nothing to do with situations from the past.

11) Staying in relationships that have expired

We all know when a relationship has run its course. You've learned everything you needed to learn from them and after a point, their presence just doesn't add any value to your life. In fact, it has the opposite impact, you're not happy around them, you find yourself avoiding meeting them or you just become numb in their presence. That's your hint, time to bounce!

12) Avoiding communication and hoping things get better with time

Time does heal some things that is the anger or any negative emotions you may feel about something. But you cannot avoid communication forever because you run the risk of having the person repeat the same thing and never knowing that it hurt you or bothered you to begin with.

13) Refusing to let go for fear of the future

The fear of the unknown will always be greater than the familiar. This will keep you stuck in an unhappy and unevolved space. If you've made it once you'll be able to make it again. Trust the process and give it your very best shot.

14) Changing who you are in an effort to please people

The most common mistake we all make in our relationships is because we always want to put our best foot forward. And while that is a nice thought, it can be incredibly misleading if it's not authentically you. Eventually, the real version of you is bound to break out and you run the risk of losing people because they believed the version you showed them. Just be yourself and trust that you are worth their affection without having to pretend to be someone else.

15) Stop assuming things

The idle mind is the devil's workshop, my mother used to say this to me all the time growing up and I never fully understood the meaning of it until much later. But it simply means that when we have time on our hands we let our mind go to places it doesn't need to. Stop assuming things, just ask the question directly to the person in question. The worst thing to come out of that will be hearing an answer you're not in tandem with. And when you think of it like that, it's not the scariest thing in the world.

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