Well, this is certainly a subject that will take some deep thought. The first question you might want to ask yourself is, how do you define love? For many, love is a commitment, kindness, understanding, empathy, a combined vision for your relationship, mutual respect and understanding, compassion, attraction and eagerness to support your partner’s dreams.
A follow-up question might be, what is your dream job? According to multiple studies, a dream job is an opportunity that not only supports your purpose but is a position that you feel good about. It is a job that supports your professional development and allows you to use your skills and talents in unique, creative, and meaningful ways. It is a position that offers the opportunity to support the community. Most importantly, it is a job that aligns with your values, goals, and the vision you have for yourself.
It might be said that when you look at these two definitions, why would you ever have to leave your dream job if your partner loves you? Being in a loving relationship means that you support one another’s dreams. It means that you have a shared vision for the relationship and understand that you have dreams that are independent of one another. We spoke to Summer Watson, PhD and Jen Fontanilla, a certified Money Coach to understand how to deal with such a situation when it arises in a relationship. And here's what they had to say:
As you continue to explore the question of giving up your dream job for love, some of the follow-on questions would be:
1. Would you ask someone to leave their job because of the relationship?
What would be your intentions related to asking someone to leave something that is so meaningful to them? Is there an important reason for asking someone to leave their dream job and what would that be? To ask someone to leave a job that gives them focus and purpose may have a significant impact on how they feel about themselves, what they have worked towards during their life, and also potentially take away their ability to contribute to their personal livelihood and the financial health of the relationship.
2. The sacrifices
The next set of questions focus on the sacrifices you are willing to make. Would it, in fact, be a sacrifice to leave your dream job and what are the limits of the sacrifices you are willing to make for love? If you were asked to give up something you value so much, is this the kind of relationship you want to be in? A sacrifice equates to a loss, so when you give up something so meaningful, be prepared to experience emotions such as anger, depression, and resentment. This is not a decision that you want to take lightly, but one that takes some deep thought. You want to determine how you will respond to the question of being asked to leave your dream job and how you might feel once you take such a leap.
3. If you decide to leave your dream job, where will you concentrate your focus?
Will you make the relationship and the love for your partner the centre of your attention? Will your partner be ready to fill your time and contribute to your professional development in a way that your dream job did? How do you envision your life and how do you plan to spend your time and energy? Will the love you have for one another be enough to fulfil your needs? Will you feel that the contribution you make to the relationship based on the time, energy, and nurturing be enough to sustain your love for one another?
4. Do you feel that giving up your dream job will allow for the stimulation you need daily?
Instead of filling your time with meaningful work, will you be searching for other ways to fill the gaps in your day? What will you be seeking for stimulation that you no longer have from your job?
5. The last few questions you want to ask yourself
What do you want to do? Do you want to leave your dream job? Should leaving your dream job depend on how much or how little you love someone? These are questions only you can answer for yourself. Depending on the decisions you decide to make, they will have both an indirect and direct impact on how you feel about yourself and the relationship.
If you are currently in a relationship and are being asked to leave your dream job, the questions within the context of this article are guidelines for determining if you are going to put love over your career or vice versa. This is not a simple decision to make and one that will take some time to think about. Do not react, but respond by having taken the time to work through each of these questions.
You may wonder 'why' the suggestion of talking through this with your partner wasn’t part of this equation. Well, quite frankly, it is important to understand how you feel about such a big decision before asking your partner’s opinion. This is not about how your partner feels, but how you feel being asked to leave something that may be truly meaningful and purposeful for you. You also just might come up with a workable solution where you can have both love and keep your dream job!