As humans, we learn to mimic others from a very tender age. We don’t understand why we program ourselves to believe in some things. I never allowed myself to conform to many social and societal norms. But many of us lack the support we need to thrive and build a healthy mindset. Sometimes pulling yourself out of the environment can help shed light on these behaviours. Alternatively, seeking out a healthy support system in the form of friends can help you move past these stigmas of the past. We are in absolute control of what we let define our very existence. So be mindful and cautious and scroll on for more.
Here are 9 things that will never define your existence and it’s time to start believing otherwise:
1) What other people think of you
Is it not your business what others think of you. You should only be concerned with how you see yourself. It doesn’t have to be some inflated version just a fair objective one. All humans make mistakes and when you do, simply own up to them, accept and move on. The longer you dwell on how others see you the harder it will become for you to thrive. You might get stuck in this endless loop of ‘what if’s?’ And frankly, we think up extremes that might not even exist. So it would bode you well to not spend any of your precious energy focusing on what others think of your existence. Another human’s opinion of you will not define you.
2) Your struggles
Without the bad, we would never learn to appreciate the good. And without the struggles, we would never know what we are truly capable of achieving. When I go through a hard time and survive, I always look back and wonder, how the hell did I live through that? Give yourself enough credit for having fought hard enough to come out the other side. You’ll end up feeling less like a victim and more like a person who is content with their existence. Your struggles will not define you, they will however toughen you up.
3) Your weight
I get grief about this from my own mother on the daily. When did it become okay to greet people with, OMG, you’ve lost so much weight or you’ve put on a few kilos? Peeps, what makes you think we don’t look at ourselves in the mirror. I’m guilty of greeting people about their weight loss mainly because I struggle with keeping the weight off. However, now I consciously try to tune my brain to not think of thin and fat. It’s just about how fit and healthy one is. I’m finally alright with my weight but I still want to work on my health. And not because people keep reminding me about how I’m not skinny but because I can’t climb a flight of stairs without panting. That’s bad news kids, must work on healthier existence. Your weight could never define how amazing you are.
4) Grades
Nothing grinds my gears more than the topic of grades. I went through all of school having everyone tell me how I was just a smidge short of being a great student. Why? Because I refused to mug and vomit this content in my exams. I hate everything about the way we are being educated. Give us real-life skills, no one tells you that what you study in school you almost never use as an adult.
So, parents, please stop putting pressure on your kids to be A+ students. They might turn out to be great at their jobs even without all that education. Give your children endless support because that is what they truly need. A grade will never encapsulate all your gifts. That would be like expecting a fish to survive on a tree. Our system is not rigged in favour of the creatives, so hang in there. Your grades could never define how far you will go in life.
5) Your job
A job is not your entire life, it is part of it. Part of the reason why people never feel good enough is that a job will make them feel that way. You’ll never be enough to an employer because it is their job to keep getting more from you. So it is important to be clear with how much you are willing to give and sacrifice. Make note of the things you are able to accomplish in a short span of time. Focus on the things you want to learn and hone.
And don’t believe anyone who tells you that you aren’t good enough. You will be appreciated much more someplace else in that case. While money is important, I recommend finding something that sets your soul free. Then your work will feel less like a chore. And, remember your job will never define what you are capable of truly achieving.
6) Past mistakes
The beauty of making a mistake is that you get to learn about behaviours that you shouldn’t repeat. We all make mistakes every day that become the stepping stones to a better future. The only way to learn what isn’t good for you is to actually experience it and not just heed the warnings of well-wishers. Live your authentic self without any facade of trying to please people. And of course, past mistakes and errors will not define where your future takes you. Just focus on the learnings and do better next time.
7) The size of your clothes
This one I still have to move past. Anything I tell you here will only make me feel worse. I still struggle with telling the love of my life what the actual size of my clothes is. Not that it matters and least of all to him. But somehow it matters to me. And while I can’t care what people think of me, I care most about how I am witnessing myself. It is definitely something to work towards and the only way forward is to focus on a good health plan. The truth is though, that the size of your clothes does not define how much love you will receive.
8) Your age
Haven’t you heard the saying, age is just a number? Because it’s true, it just a number. You can do anything and be anything at any age. Do things when it feels right and not because of a number that makes you believe otherwise. The world will have us believe that there is a perfect time and age to do everything. But there is not, so go live your truth and follow your heart’s desire. If you want to act like a 20-year-old at 50 then do it, you do you. Your age should not define how much childlike wonder you will actually hold.
9) Your social media following and likes
As good as social media has been at connecting the world, it has also taken away much from us. Our sanity for one. The need to seek validation from strangers on the internet could not be a more baffling idea to many. But it is a crippling debilitating need that is causing plenty of anxiety. Maintain an account for pure joy and happiness and if you get likes and followers along the way, keep doing more of what you love. Don’t overthink it and don’t do it for the numbers. Look up from your phone there’s a whole world waiting for you. And, frankly, your social media accounts will never define how well-loved you are by your friends and family.
What are some of the things that you don’t allow to define your existence? Let me know in the comments below.
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