We’re often lost at sea, drowning in our thoughts. We allow them to consume us not knowing that the power for true success lies in the palm of our hands. It’s so easy for us to remind the people we love of how valuable they are to us and how much value they hold in the world. But we struggle to give ourselves the same amount of respect and love, amirite? If this is you then here are a few steps to self-care and self-love:

1) Prioritise your daily activities if you want to get on the road to self-care.

Knowing what is important in your day will free up space to do more things. You’ll be happier and lighter because you made time for the things you love. Make a list of things you need to accomplish in a week and split them up for different days knowing what needs to be accomplished asap and what can wait a while. This can really help with ones self-care.

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2) If it feels wrong, don’t do it.

Trust your instincts, your gut is always right. When we are in danger the gut always reacts first. Your body knows way before you. Proceed with caution if you must. But you have the luxury of saying no or a choice in the matter and you don’t want to do it because it just feels wrong. Then say no, that’s it. You don’t need to overthink many things in life, some of them are simply that simple.

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3) Try not to be self-deprecating.

Our inner voices are so loud and defeating. Some days we give in to it and believe that we are no good and that we don’t deserve the love and success we want for ourselves. While saying negative things about yourself may make you feel like you are being humble you might come across as someone fishing for compliments or someone who simply has no self-respect.

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4) Don’t indulge in drama.

Save the drama for another day. There’s plenty of fixes these days, you can watch a show or a movie and you’ll get your fix for all that drama you need. Or simple watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians, you’ll get your fill. Indulging in drama will take away your peace of mind and fill you with negative thought about yourself and the person in question at the centre of all this drama. Trim out all the excess drama cause you don’t need it at all.

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5) Say and do exactly what you mean.

Man if I had a nickel for every single person that’s flaked on me I’d be a millionaire. I don’t have many expectations from anyone but myself. But if you suggest that you might and will do something then do it. Don’t wake up one day and pretend like you never said it in the first place. Saying and doing what you mean makes people see how genuine you are and how much they trust you will invariably affect your self-esteem. Try it, be honest, you won’t regret it.

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6) Don’t indulge in idle gossip if self-care is your goal.

Honestly, I hate this so so much. I know why women have this rep but I really hate it. I wish women would focus more on uplifting one another and not trying to pull each other down. If you have to really gossip then talk about men and their bizarre habits and how they try to mansplain every damn detail in life. Be kind, not just to yourself but to other women too. I can assure you a healthy mind leads to a healthy body too.

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7) Let go of everything you can’t control.

Oh boy, this one’s a tough one for me. I am such a control freak so this was a really hard habit to crack. Frankly, I haven’t cracked anything I’ve just learned to let go of things I have no control over. However, things that I can control, like how I react, what I prioritise, who I let have access to my energy, I still control. I would say some control is important to survive the mysteries of life. But trying to control every single little detail will only drive you crazy and lead you to burn out. Take it easy some days and try to go with the flow.

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8) Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

This is one of my most favourite Aesop’s Fables quotes. It stuck with me ever since I was a child and really helped me focus on how to treat other people. It just makes you be more conscious of how you react and speak to others around you. I was very possessive about my colour pencils when I was in school, I always felt territorial when someone wanted to borrow them. But then I asked myself, what if one day I was in need and couldn’t afford the luxury of having them for whatever reason. Would I want someone to come to my aid? And when I realised how the outcome could play out I learned to share. It made me more self-aware to think of what other people want in life.

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9) Don’t give up without a fight if self-care is your priority.

Many times I have found myself on the precipice of wanting to give up. I’ve wanted to give u on life so many times I can’t even begin to explain. But I always found an anchor, something that would bring me back. I believed I deserved better and so I fought to create that world for myself. If you truly want something in your life, don’t go down without a fight. And if you lose the battle then you know it happened fair and square and it wasn’t meant to be part of your journey. Gracefully accept and don’t resist when life tries to intervene. It is almost always better for you. The universe has your back and that is simply my belief.

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10) Listen to understand and no just with the intention to reply.

We often only listen to another speaking with the intent to defend ourselves. It is so important to listen effectively and truly try and understand the perspectives of another person. If self-care is your agenda, this will help broaden your horizon and give you an insight into many other matters in life. Don’t judge them because they don’t sound like you, talk like you or express like you. You never know what value another human can bring to your life.

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11) Don’t be afraid to say yes or no.

This one’s a conundrum, we’re all people-pleasers on some level so saying no can be hard for a bunch of people. And other times we’re so afraid of saying yes that we ending missing out on all the good stuff. The key here is obvious, self-care requires you to learn to trust your instincts as I said above. If you feel by saying yes you are cheating yourself of something then be swift to say no. Don’t be afraid to embrace what both these words can change about your life.

For eg, I took a holiday to Italy, one year on holiday and I decided that I was going to say yes to everything. While I might not have enjoyed everything I said yes to, I ended up learning so much more about myself. And frankly, it was the best experience of my life.

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12) Love openly if you want to attain the nirvana level of self-care.

My biggest problem when growing up was being in total denial about how much I wanted love. All the signs were there but I never could admit it to myself. And eventually, that mentality is what destroyed my friendships and love relationships. I was afraid that love would destroy me and that fear did eventually destroy me. I learned that taking a few risks in life does enrich my soul. So, I would like to end here by saying give love freely, don’t think or expect what you might get back in return. Enjoy the journey even if it doesn’t go exactly how you planned.

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Do you have any tips on how to work through those feelings of being discouraged? Share it with us in the comments below!

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